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| Olivia and Aaron |
Picking up where I left off last time:
21.
Different kid: I'm hungry for fruit.
Me: Have some kiwi... and PEEL IT!
Same different kid: Why?
I'm raising a bunch of cave men.
22. One of my kids was late for school so I write a note.
Kid: Don't write that!
Me: It's the truth. You want me to tell the truth don't you?
Kid: Yes, but tell a different truth.
I end up writing something vague and incomprehensible.
23. "All I know about presidential candidates is something about some McDonald guy."
-Anonymous to protect the guilty.
-Anonymous to protect the guilty.
24. One of my kids calls herbal tea boiled weeds.
25. A new phrase has been coined: 'obesity sauce'. A very good description of Alfredo sauce in general.
Although I notice giving it a more appropriate name hasn't slowed down the consumption of said sauce.
26. You know you're getting old when you have to read the captions on 'before and after' pictures to see which ones were 'before' and which ones were 'after'. (okay, so that was me too.)
27. After I protest over one of my kids being self deprecating:
Kid # 1: He's always making fat jokes about himself.
Kid # 2: Hey! I need my fat jokes! It keeps me from getting too depressed about my weight.
Kid # 3: I'm not so sure fat pride is the answer to your weight problems.
28. Bunnies never have bad breath. You were all dying to know that.
29. I tend to tune into and out of conversations while I'm doing stuff. Then I end up hearing weird snippets.
Kid #1 "... this is why we need a new toaster oven."
Kid #2 (in a mock threatening tone) "And that's why you're going to need a new kidney."
I didn't even ask.
30. Me: Hey! Who got out my juice? Who's been drinking my juice?
Brian: It's cranberry raspberry mom, cranberry raspberry.
Me: That doesn't mean you can just invite yourself to drink my juice. I don't want you drinking my juice.
Brian: Then you should have built a temple with booby traps around it.
So that's what you have to do to keep people out of your food in this house.
