Some Things Are More Fun Than Being Ill but That Doesn't Make Them Fun

Things I'd rather do than be sick:

1. Gut a fish.

2. Eat cow eyeballs.

3. Have my gums scraped.

4. Pick up bugs.

5. Moderate an altercation between teenagers.

6. Run a marathon.

7. Run at all.

8. Bathe a cat.

9. Speak in public.

10. Die.

Expletives Made Easy

So why is it, repeating words over and over again is considered bad writing, yet foul language can be repeated liberally throughout a book and that's kosher? No one says it's a lack of imagination or claims the writer gave no real thought to the dialogue etc.

If you want a writing challenge that will stretch you a bit write an angry scene in which no bad language is used and whoever is reading it won't realize it's missing.

Not the easiest thing to do, is it?

Clearly we need some more creative was of expressing ourselves. Whether we are angry or simply want to insult someone we need a few more options in my opinion.

For all you budding authors out there I've come up with a list of creative ways to express strong emotion. You can thank me later.

1. Wingummit! Now this is a word that's clearly underused. Why is it, that when the murderer is about to strike and has been thwarted by the hero we never get to see this one?

2. Swellaweller!

3.Flimflamonger!

4. Golly whiz ferbert!

5. Fish bait breath!

6. Sap sucking son of a salamander!

7. Busted baboon bottoms!

8. Flaming flouncing flamingos!

Imagine using these instead of the usual insults and expletives. Just think of the effect this would have on your readers! You could stand out from other authors in new and interesting ways! Don't be afraid to be a trailblazer! Come up with some of your own!

Blasphemy! Gasp!

Pride and Prejudice is not a Romance.

You heard me.

I know what you're thinking. But let's take a step back and look at the definition for the genre Romance.

According to Romance Writers of America, "Two basic elements comprise every romance novel: a central love story and an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending."

Hmmm..... looks legit.  Seems like Pride and Prejudice should qualify...

But the main plot and focus of Romance is to stay strictly with the main romantic characters and is not to stray far from them at any point in time. If the focus strays too far for too long, then things start getting muddy and we have to question whether we actually have a Romance or if we have another genre with a lot of Romance in it. 

I know today's readers are not so nit picky. I know most of them figure if it's got a great romantic story in it, then it qualifies and who cares about finicky definitions?  

But this is a blog post and writing about pointless things is the whole point of this blog! 

Anyway, Elizabeth spends an awful lot of time not being with, talking to, describing, or thinking about Mr. Darcy. I mean, if you think about it she spends a shocking amount of her energies on other things entirely! She lavishes attention on Jane, Charlotte, and the other people in her life with no regard to him whatsoever for pages on end! 

What kind of romantic heroine is this?

Now in my experience, in Romance Novels the main couple meets on the first page and proceeds to be together in one capacity or another on every single other page of the book. If they aren't actually together they are thinking about each other. Other relationships and characters are making mere cameo appearances and spend a great deal of time talking about or to the main couple. Really, try it. Open any legitimate romance and see how many pages you can go without both parties of the main couple being mentioned from a romantic standpoint.

Not so with Pride and Prejudice. 

But might there be another genre that suits it better? That better describes the relationships and action going on in Pride and Prejudice? 

Realistic Fiction is imaginary characters doing things and in situations that could happen in real life. A strong argument could be made that Jane Austen is the founder of this genre since she's the first English author who wrote about everyday life and situations that could really happen with fictional characters which had a profound effect on English authors who came after her. But, a great deal of Romance could be said to also fit into this category. (You could, of course, also make a strong argument that Romance has little resemblance to real life, but we won't go there...today.)

Women's Fiction deals mostly with women and women's relationship and their growth. This sort of fits. But it tends to be light on romance and a bit on the heavy reading side. Not quite a good fit.

Chick Lit - Is usually about young adult women their various relationships, including romantic, and emotions and is often witty and light and fun.

Sound familiar? Fits Jane Austen to a T.

Except it wasn't invented back then.

Aaand one of the important aspects of Chick Lit is that it's modern, here, now, current. Which Austen was... a couple hundred years ago.

So where does that bring us?

I submit to you that she's a mix. Yes, a mixed genre. We'll call it 'Rerowochick'. Sounds catchy don't you think? And you were here to witness it's birth! Everyone will be using it.

Next time you're at a party with a bunch of intellectuals throw that one at them. They'll be speechless! And the whole point of being intellectual is to be finicky and precise isn't it? And what's more finicky and precise than Rerowochick?

I rest my case.

So now that we've established that Jane Austen wrote Rerowochick, lets discuss Gone With the Wind which is also not a romance....

Being Cute is a Powerful Weapon

You see this white bunny? You see the pulchritudinous innocence pouring forth from it's fluffy little face?

Is this the face of a diabolical Houdini Bunny? Is this the face of a bunny that would escape his pen in the middle of the night, leading poor little Olivia into iniquity to join into his rebellious break for freedom?

Is this the face of a bunny who would leave behind his litter habits in wild abandon, to prove his point of freedom and ownership, by leaving bunny bombs all over the house?

Is this the face of a bunny who, instead of obediently going back to his pen like sweet Olivia, would make his owners chase him around the house at 3 AM and think it was all a very good game?

Is this the face of a bunny who, after being caught and put in said bunny pen, would have the audacity to ask for a treat?????

You bet it is.