Wow. There has been way too much seriousness going on in this blog lately.
This is why we should discuss shoes.
It used to be that I horded books. They were all over the house, stuffed in every nook and cranny. Book cases abounded. Then one day I realized reading them was making me sick. Apparently I'd developed a dust allergy!
No need to fear! I got an e-reader. Now I horde books on that. And the beautiful thing is, no dust. Whalah!
It would seem though, that I must horde something. I mean, how can I waste my time, money and effort if I don't have something to horde? I've got to be frivolous about something or life has no meaning!
I know I've got a lot of shoes. I know they occupy a significant portion of my closet. I know I'll get rid of lots of other things in order to make way for more shoes. But it's not a problem. I'm not addicted or anything. I can stop any time I want.
Like right now. See? This is me not buying any shoes. Right at this very moment I'm not looking at shoes or buying shoes, I'm not even wearing shoes! See? The model of self control.
It's not that a pair of shoes changes my behavior. I'm not acting weird or doing anything mind altering. I'm just hording shoes. How innocent can you get? I'm not hurting anyone.
And lets face it. If a person only has one or two pair they get scuffed!!! Worn!!! They don't look new anymore!!!!!!!!! The Horror!
And what about the subtle nuances of shoes? Yeah, sure, there may be more than one pair that's purple, for instance, (I'm not saying there are more than one pair of purple. I'm just throwing it out there as an example. As if there were. Yeah, heh, heh... of course more than one pair of purple may be a little excessive...ahem...cough, cough... there will be no confessions on this blog! No confessions!) but they all are different styles. That makes them completely different. Clearly I couldn't wear purple shoes #1 with the same outfit as purple shoes #3. What do you think I am? A neanderthal? (Okay, seriously, if there are any neanderthals out there who are offended by this verb-age I don't want to hear it! Keep your comments to yourself!) I can't go around in the wrong shoes. I've got my self respect. I have my self worth to consider. What about my self esteem? Isn't that worth something? I've got an image to protect here.
And to prove there is no problem here, no problem at all, I've got them all neatly displayed in my closet where anyone can see. Very different from a couple years ago where I would stash them in various places so as to keep people from guessing how many there actually were. See? This is a big improvement. I have nothing to hide. Nothing.
But a person's got to live. A person only has one life in which to wear shoes! Life shouldn't be one long slog with one day grinding agonizingly into the next!
And this is why I need more shoes. Not because I have a problem. No, no. But because life is beautiful and worth living and worth buying shoes.
I rest my case.
See you at the mall.
