Why?

Why is the literary world obsessed with the process of becoming damaged?

Why is it considered good writing to write about that process and bad writing to write about healing? The process of becoming undamaged?

Have you noticed in books these days, the ones that show the horrors of humanity with a main character that ends the series emotionally and mentally worse off than when they started, is lauded and extolled as high quality stuff?

Books written, showing the better side of humanity with goodness, hope and forgiveness and a main character that ends a better person than they started, is considered shallow, unrealistic and fluffy?

Why is one point of view more valid than the other? Are we all emotionally bereft? Are we incapable as human beings of improvement, hope and joy? Are those things any less real than depravity, anger and sorrow? Are they not also part of the human experience?

Why aren't the better emotions worthy of exploring in our literary world? Why are they casually dismissed as fluff? Proclaimed to be okay if you want escapism reading, said with a curling sneer on the end of the lips.

Why is only what is depressing, unedifying and angry considered literary?

What is wrong with us?

Snake Oil

I'm exhausted. And I feel like my breakfast is going to be revisiting me soon. And, to quote my mother, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

This can only mean one thing, sick post! Oh boy! I know you love them! Especially when the cynicism and sarcasm hit epic levels! Fun! Fun! Fun!

So if you have serious health problems, you probably already know every Disturbed Alternative Health Fanatic Tradesman, or DAHFT (as I like to call them), on the planet will try to cure you.
I'm not talking about people who advocate eating healthy, exercising and taking vitamin D. I'm not talking about people who cautiously approach and suggest something different that may help because they're concerned. I'm not talking about the people who tell you what their Aunt Mildred did, because they care about you.

I'm talking about the kind of people who think doctors are part of a socio-economic conspiracy and are trying to scam the public. I'm talking about the voracious purveyors of modern snake oil.

Because obviously doctors went to school for twelve years, and racked up hundreds of thousands of dollars of student loans to fool you out of your hard earned cash. And they put up with insurance companies and malpractice insurance because it's fun! Life is just not exciting enough without these kinds of challenges.

DAHFTs especially like try to prey upon the chronically ill, and try to get them to stop seeing 'mainstream' doctors and taking their medicines. My sisters and I talk about this weirdly interesting phenomenon from time to time.

My youngest sister tends to be blunt and doesn't brook nonsense for any real length of time. When approached by a particularly voracious DAHFT my sister said, "I did research on what happens to people with my condition who stopped taking their medicine. They DlED. They're all DEAD now."

And she said it in the kind of tone that makes you snort your drink out your nose.

My brother in law has a masters degree in chemistry. So he likes to check the "science" behind things. Let's just say, there's a lot of bogus stuff out there. He knows a lot of stuff that 'works' is simply having a placebo effect.

The thing that gets me, is how fast a DAHFT can spot a sick person. They zero in on them with uncanny ability. And they always, always have something they're selling. What they're selling is varied. It takes many forms from the plausible to the wildly farfetched.

And the instructions can be unnerving.

"Twiddle this organic twoodlestick, handmade by nuns in Italy, under your nose for thirty seconds, run outside buck naked and jump around for two minutes, come back inside and lay on this sheepskin mat, made exclusively in an obscure village in Malaysia, for ten minutes breathing deeply and chewing ancient tree sap from an extinct tree like a goat, light this candle specially made of beeswax collected from a special bees found only in India and meditate to this native Egyptian pipe music for another thirty minutes. You'll feel so amazing you won't know yourself.  You'll never waste another dime on doctors or expensive medicines again! Think of all the money you'll save!"

"That'll be $2,695 for today's supplies."

How to Start a Fight in 10 Seconds

You know how sometimes you find something funny that you shouldn't?

That would be me, when people tell other people not to judge.

It's like getting two for the price of one. Not only is the accuser judging the accused, but the accuser is also being hypocritical. It's hilarious!

But I really shouldn't find this amusing.

Believe me when I say though, that if you try to hide a laugh and snort instead, when you hear people say things like this, they do NOT think it's funny.

I'd like to say I've outgrown this behavior, but the truth is, I wasn't like this when I was young. It's just since I've hit my so-called maturity that it makes me laugh.

To illustrate, I had an experience in my early twenties in an apartment house that went like this:

Me: "Hi, I don't think I've met you. I live next door. I'm Rebecca."

New Neighbor: "Rebecca? Aren't you ---'s friend?"

Me, smiling: "Yes."

New Neighbor: "DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!" She practically turned purple when she said this.

Me, smile frozen on face, at a loss for words: "Um... okaaay.  Well, it's nice to meet you." I turn to leave.

New Nieghbor: "--- said you're Mormon, and I don't want you judging how I live my life!"

Me: "Alright-y then," Feeling more than a little awkward. But I can tell she wants to talk, so I stay there.

Seriously, I'd never been judged so fast in my life. Most people wait till after they get to know me before they decide they hate me.

Maybe I should have been offended. Maybe I should have made a snide remark or been sarcastic after that, but clearly there was an interesting story there.

So often that's the way it is. I don't think it's human nature to go around being suspicious of everyone, but negative things happen and people gradually get that way. Does that mean we should add to their angst by being nasty?

The irony of this situation was, we turned out to be great friends that summer. I moved a bunch of states away so it didn't last, but we had a lot of fun. She did have a very interesting story behind her attitude too, but it's hers to tell, not mine.

What Kind of Mom are You?

Mother's day is often a day of guilt for moms. It ought not to be that way.

I saw a video online wherein a woman was explaining there are all different kinds of moms and whatever kind of mom you are, it is just right for your kids, that God gave you the skills that are unique for your kids. I kind of smirked and rolled my eyes, but then, I thought, maybe there's something in this.

I asked myself, what kind of mom am I? And I answered, I'm 'suck it up and do it anyway' mom. It's true and I don't apologize for it. It's what my kids need. I'm also 'silly' mom, and they need that too.
I could go on and on about all the stuff I've done wrong. I could tell you all about the horrific mistakes I've made and what makes me believe my children will need therapy the rest of their lives, but I choose not to focus on that this Mother's Day.

As I've mentioned before, I started writing books and blogging because I get sick a lot and get bored and need something to occupy my down time. Unfortunately, before I fully understood the nature of my health and all it's implications, I had produced five children. Yep. Five.

Long story short, each of my kids also has multiple health problems. I have a running health history for each one and each year something else gets added to the list. Who knows what condition they'll be in by the time they reach 50? Budgeting energy as a precious resource is a common topic of discussion in this house.

Yes, in some ways I wonder why God gave me five children before I knew what my genes would do to them. But then, he also equipped me with some unique skills.

The biggest life skills I have to offer them are twofold. The first is to have faith. Believe that life is beautiful and live life fully, regardless of circumstances.

Showing them chronic illness isn't the end of the world is a big goal of mine. Multiple chronic illnesses are not the end of the world. There's plenty to do and experience regardless of our limitations, and a way around those limitations, and divine help to make us better than we are.
Perhaps I should feel sorry for them, but I do not. There is no room for pity when my child may be dying and needs life saving surgery - even if that surgery is going to have an unpleasant recovery.
There is no room for pity when my child is turning blue and can't breathe. There is no room for pity when we are rushing for the ER. There is no room for pity when my child sees life so bleakly they don't know if they have the courage to move forward.

My children do not need my pity. I would be doing them a great disservice to offer it to them. They need faith, they need hope, they need action and care. And then, when the crisis is over, they need a sense of humor.

That's the second life gift I have to offer. The gift of silliness is a great one. Something that can make a smile appear and laugh burble up from the soul -- how important that is!

Believing that if their life ends, they will still be loved and cared for on the other side is important.
But it also takes great courage to live, to go on facing a life of pain, discomfort and continuous doctors and procedures and surgeries. It takes courage and a sense of humor to really live, despite that.

The good Lord gave me illness, but he also gave me the skills to cope. I am all the better and the stronger for it. And someday, my children will see themselves that way too. This is my hope.