This can only mean one thing, sick post! Oh boy! I know you love them! Especially when the cynicism and sarcasm hit epic levels! Fun! Fun! Fun!
So if you have serious health problems, you probably already know every Disturbed Alternative Health Fanatic Tradesman, or DAHFT (as I like to call them), on the planet will try to cure you.
I'm not talking about people who advocate eating healthy, exercising and taking vitamin D. I'm not talking about people who cautiously approach and suggest something different that may help because they're concerned. I'm not talking about the people who tell you what their Aunt Mildred did, because they care about you.
I'm talking about the kind of people who think doctors are part of a socio-economic conspiracy and are trying to scam the public. I'm talking about the voracious purveyors of modern snake oil.
Because obviously doctors went to school for twelve years, and racked up hundreds of thousands of dollars of student loans to fool you out of your hard earned cash. And they put up with insurance companies and malpractice insurance because it's fun! Life is just not exciting enough without these kinds of challenges.
DAHFTs especially like try to prey upon the chronically ill, and try to get them to stop seeing 'mainstream' doctors and taking their medicines. My sisters and I talk about this weirdly interesting phenomenon from time to time.
My youngest sister tends to be blunt and doesn't brook nonsense for any real length of time. When approached by a particularly voracious DAHFT my sister said, "I did research on what happens to people with my condition who stopped taking their medicine. They DlED. They're all DEAD now."
And she said it in the kind of tone that makes you snort your drink out your nose.
My brother in law has a masters degree in chemistry. So he likes to check the "science" behind things. Let's just say, there's a lot of bogus stuff out there. He knows a lot of stuff that 'works' is simply having a placebo effect.
The thing that gets me, is how fast a DAHFT can spot a sick person. They zero in on them with uncanny ability. And they always, always have something they're selling. What they're selling is varied. It takes many forms from the plausible to the wildly farfetched.
And the instructions can be unnerving.
"Twiddle this organic twoodlestick, handmade by nuns in Italy, under your nose for thirty seconds, run outside buck naked and jump around for two minutes, come back inside and lay on this sheepskin mat, made exclusively in an obscure village in Malaysia, for ten minutes breathing deeply and chewing ancient tree sap from an extinct tree like a goat, light this candle specially made of beeswax collected from a special bees found only in India and meditate to this native Egyptian pipe music for another thirty minutes. You'll feel so amazing you won't know yourself. You'll never waste another dime on doctors or expensive medicines again! Think of all the money you'll save!"
"That'll be $2,695 for today's supplies."
