Phobias are weird things. A person can suddenly become afraid of anything, anything at all, no matter how ridiculous -- or how sweet and innocent.
Well, I'm here to say butterflies are not as sweet as everyone thinks or as innocent. For one thing, they have a diabolical sense of humor.
I had a friend who would sit very, very still in a field full of butterflies for hours on end in the ecstatic hope one would land on her. It never worked. Then she'd try to catch one.
They'd flutter all around her, woosh past her and you could almost hear them say, "Oh, almost got me that time! Almost! Whoohoo, over here, oop, almost had me!" laughing and taunting.
But let me tell you, I could be sitting with not a butterfly in sight, enjoying my day, minding my own business when the next thing I know I've got one on my arm. And believe me, when you've got a butterfly on your arm, you know.
They have poky little feet and nothing else feels like a butterfly foot.
I know how it goes. I know what they say.
One butterfly sees another, jabs him with an elbow and says,
"Hey, Erle."
"Yeah, Stan?"
"You smell what I smell?"
"I dunno."
"Fear pheromones. That there's fear, Erle. Take a deep whiff and breathe that in, you don't get to smell that everyday."
"Yeah. That smells good. That's cause we're butterflies, ain't it Stan? That's cause we're fierce, ain't we Stan?"
Stan rubs his chin with his nasty little butterfly foot."You know what I'm gonna to do? Land on her!"
"You can't! That's against the butterfly code!"
"Butterfly code don't say nothing about landing on no people what are scared."
"I dunno. That don't seem ee-lusive to me. Butterfly code says we gotta be ee-lusive."
"Oh yeah? Watch!"
You want to know something about butterflies? They have tiny little hooks in their feet. Those little suckers can hang on like nobody's business and it takes a lot of flapping, jumping around and screaming to get one off.
"Whooooo! That there's one wild ride! You gotta try that!"
Another thing about butterflies. They're fearless.
"My turn, Stan!"
Have you ever tried to dodge a butterfly? They don't exactly fly around in predictable patterns. It's not like running from a bee you've managed to disgruntle.
"That's right Erle, keep her off kilter! Ha, ha, she don't know which end's up no how!"
Next thing I know, I've got to go through the whole exercise again, after which I feel like I've run a marathon, because on top of all the necessary screaming and jolting maneuvers it takes to get the thing off, my heart's already in panic stricken overdrive from the very presence of the horrid little beasts.
Meanwhile, Erle and Stan are having the laugh of their life and considering their day well spent.
Although phobias are bizarre and take some unusual forms, the good thing about them is, they don't have to be permanent. After twenty or so years of expensive intensive therapy, a butterfly can cross my path and I may not even notice it.
It certainly doesn't make my heart pound or do any other remarkable things to my system. I wouldn't even mind if one landed on my arm, because I always found bugs fascinating, and it would be interesting to get a closer look at it.
I do find it highly suspicious, that after years of being landed on by who knows how many butterflies, not one butterfly has landed on me since I've gotten over this phobia, not one.
