It seems like I haven't posted a hypocritical book rant lately. Since I had surgery and I can't do much yet and I'm bored out of my mind I think it's about time I did.

Know what I'm sick of? Traumatizing books. Seriously. Don't you think there's enough trauma in life already? Why do we have to read about it too? There are ways of having conflict and meaning in a book without requiring the reader to have therapy for the next ten years. 

I read a lovely book the other day and read the reviews for it. So many people complaining about how it wasn't detailed enough with the tragic factors in it. Really? Is this what we've come to? 

What's so wrong about reading something that actually makes us feel good when we're done? Why are positive feelings considered 'trite' and negative feelings considered 'real'? 

Why do people feel the need to justify the fact that they liked something uplifting, constructive and good?

We've got a weird kind of prejudice in this world where optimistic things are, at best, dealt with in a patronizing tone and at worst vilified as unreal and damaging. 

This kind of idea has crept into the way we deal with others too. What happened to giving others the benefit of the doubt? What happened to assuming others are not being deliberately malicious? What happened to extending grace to the imperfections of others and forgiving that lack of perfection? 

Maybe it's time to take a step back and evaluate our own
lives, our own behavior our own humanity and make some changes that we actually have some control over - ourselves.

I'm Back! And you know what that means!

 

You know what this means, right? 

You guessed it. Sick again. I can't complain. It's been a long, long time since I've felt lousy enough to post on this blog! (Or even remember it exists.) 

Aren't you glad you're such a priority in my life? 

It also means I've been writing sub par novels again!

I don't know if my reading public can handle all this excitement.  

So I've been digging around my files and found the novel that I'd almost completed and I've been - well- completing it.  

I know what you're thinking. Why would I inflict the general public with another book? Because I can. Self publishing has made this all too easy but there's always hope. The technology may have outstripped my middle aged ability to decode it. I may never be able to convert it into the proper ebook format. It may never make it into the vast ocean of self published anonymity. 

Stay tuned for the rest of this gripping tale...

I've got a story for that!

People who know me well know I have a story for everything. These stories are things that come from my life, or the life of someone I know. If you name a topic, I've got a story. I'm famous for it. Well, okay, I'm not famous in any sense of the word, but you could say it's my super power. I suspect it has something to do with my crazy long term memory.

So, the other day, while I was sleeping, I dreamed I was asked to speak to a large congregation. The topic I was given was, 'How is a banana like seven days?'. As soon as I heard the subject I said, "I have the perfect story for that!". I even had a memento to go with the story. I was fully prepared.

I woke up from this dream and rolled over and thought, "Great, now I'm just making fun of myself," and went back to sleep.

Kid Quotes 5

The infamous ham gravy.

Here is the last installment of Kid Quotes. The kids were quite young for these which is making me feel nostalgic.

41. Guess what happens when you leave chicken in the crock pot all day and all night and forget about it?

Chicken jerky.

I'm telling you; I'm never going to get this domestic gig figured out.
(Actually, I'd like to blame this one on my kids, but it was me.)

42.

Mathew instructing Benjamin in the ways of face washing: "...and then you have to pay attention to whether it says 'cream' or 'wash' because if it's a cream and you wash it off, it doesn't do any good and if it's a wash and you leave it on it BURNS!!"

I about died laughing. I think Mathew may be slightly offended now.

43. After being told to go brush her teeth, Sarah comes crawling into my room choking and gasps before passing out on my chair, "The bathroom stinks!"
No drama here.

44. Random Mathew quote: Those chocolate chips were morally incorrect so I ate them.

45. Me: You people need to get your work done. You're going to want to hang out with friends and I'm going to say, 'no! this place is a mess! do your chores!' and then you're all going to be all, 'waaaaaa!' So you may as well do them now.

Benjamin in an undertone to Sarah: Mom really knows us doesn't she?

Sarah quietly back: I know, right?

Ya know guys, some things don't take a genius.

46. How can a blue and green table cloth look like a dead yak?????

47. "I feel so smart spouting off facts in my glasses and you guys are all looking at me like, 'I think his glasses are on his head too tight.'"

48. Brian: We're out of ranch.
Me: The horror.
Brian: We need more.
Me: Too bad.
Brian: For a second I thought you understood the gravity of the situation.
(author's note: After posting this on facebook my neighbor shows up at my door with a bottle of ranch dressing and says, "I understand the gravity of the situation!" I have the best neighbors.)

49. My kids are threatening to juice the ham so it will make more ham gravy. They seemed to think putting it through a cider press would work best.

50. I'm officially loosing it. I drove the middle school carpool this morning and was out of the neighborhood and on my way to the middle school when I realized I had no kids in my car! I had to go back and get them.

51. Apparently, loading the dishwasher is the end of world as we know it.

_^52. Me: Hurry and get your shoes on.

Sarah: You're just enjoying ruling over me.
I walk away rolling my eyes.
Where, oh where does this attitude come from.... hmmm....

53. Mathew had his wisdom teeth out yesterday. On our way home he suddenly exclaimed, "I shouldn't be driving!" (he wasn't) "I thought those three girls were six girls back there!" (There were four girls). He also thought he could walk by himself when he got home and hit the garage door! I was too small to stop him. I should have brought Brian with me. Me helping Mathew alone was a joke.

54. Ham gravy again tonight. My kids were positively frolicking in it. One of them said he was going to put it on his cereal in the morning after which a serious discussion about exactly which cereal would taste best with ham gravy on it ensued.
(author's note - the decided on cereal was Corn Chex)

55. In the car James suddenly sits bolt upright and says, "We have to go to the store!
Me: "Why?"
James: "We left Brian home alone with the milk!"
Cue the horror movie music.

56.  made ham gravy tonight with dinner so James grabs some raw broccoli off the veggie tray and starts dunking it and says, "Everything tastes better with gravy on it." So naturally they all have to test the various vegetables out in the gravy. Trust my kids to come up with an incredibly unhealthy way to eat their veggies.

57. Mathew: This cut is getting infected.

James: I never get infections. I'm too sexy for that sort of thing.

Heaven help us all.

58. James has a cut that looks infected. Bad karma?

59.I think James is feeling better. He pretended to swat his sister and said, "This is the part where you freak out."
I said, "Let's just skip that part."
James said, "But that's my favorite part."
Sarah just sat there and ignored the whole thing. This is what comes of having 4 brothers.

60. After Richard asked James to do something tonight he added, 'and let's skip the routine where I have to ask you 15 times before you do it.'
James says 'Awww, but I like that routine!'
That would explain a lot. 

61, I was in Home Depot with James. We walk by a decorated Christmas tree. James says, "That's the fakest looking tree I've seen in my life!"
The problem?
It was real.
We've owned too many fake trees.

62. Mathew calls the cordless phone a portaphone.... now how am I supposed to not laugh at that?

63. Last night Sarah informed me she'd been dramatized. Normally I can hold it in, but this time I burst out laughing, at which she became even more dramatized.