The problem is, I've lost a lot of computers now and people are starting to get suspicious.
A person can only have so many computers before things start looking a bit odd. But it's all above board, I swear. I wasn't even at the scene of death this time! I have an alibi! I was innocently reading a book and I have witnesses to this attested fact! Witnesses, I say! I'm innocent! Innocent!
I have lawyers! Anyone who dares accuse me of computer slaughter will be slapped with a slander suit so fast they won't be able to breathe!
The public is trying to hang me before I have a chance to defend myself! I've been judged! I'm the real victim here! I'm the one who should be garnering your sympathy, not some low life piece of equipment.
I don't even know what you're talking about. There never was a computer. Whoever said anything about computers? It's all lies and smoke to throw people off of what really matters and what really matters here is waffles.
Everyone wants waffles. Waffles should be available to all! My enemies may bring up circumstantial and unfounded accusations about non-existent computers to confuse the real issues of our time because they don't want you to realize you have a lack of waffles. They don't want you to realize what you're missing! Our right to waffles! Waffles for you! Waffles for me! Waffles for everyone!
