Fortune Cookie # 3

The beginning of adulthood is put together, stylish and I-want-to-be-awesome. The end of adulthood is whatever, frumpy and I-don't -care.

Fortune Cookie #2

Complaining won't  make it better. I should know. I've tried  it enough  times.

Fortune Cookie #1

Life stinks. But it's  still  good  while  it stinks. Just plug your  nose and you'll be  fine .

Everyone's Day Should Be So Good

They say the key to success is to have realistic goals that can be met. I have lots of ambitions for today. Here are my goals:

1. Stay in bed so long I have a headache.

2. Stay in my pajamas long enough to embarrass myself, my kids or my husband. (Well, I've got to embarrass somebody!)

3. Eat something for breakfast that I'll regret the rest of the day.



4. Work on my book until I stop because everything I write stinks.

5. Forget to eat lunch.

6. Get super finicky and picky about the house in a controlling, unhealthy way.

7. Whine and complain every time the kids ask me to drive them somewhere.

8. Avoid cooking dinner. Fob it off on someone else.

9. Procrastinate the laundry another day. (Hey, I'm inspiring resourcefulness and creativity with this one! Figure out what to wear when all that is left is a green floral top and purple plaid shorts. Maybe a couple accessories can make that work?)

 10. Write a pointless and ridiculous blog post.

11.  Stay up too late reading a book so that I'm guaranteed to feel like death the next morning.

You know, if I can't get it all done today, there's always tomorrow!

Baby It's Cold Outside

I'm freezing.

Freezing.

As in, the frozen tundra of the arctic has nothing on me.

I'm wearing so many clothes I can't move.

I'm piled under so many blankets I can hardly breathe.

And I'm still freezing.

And yet....

I'm alive. I didn't sign up for a life of comfort. I'm here for the full experience. The good stuff. The bad stuff. And everything in between. I want it all. Before the 'here' of this life maybe I envied the ability to feel cold, to feel anything. Perhaps I should embrace the diversity of hot, warm, cold, comfort and discomfort.

I take a moment and notice things. The prickles of cold on the backs of my hands. The crisp air that moves in and out of my lungs. The goose bumps on my arms. It's sharp. It's harsh. It's life. Would I fully appreciate being toasty without it? Would I have run around in a warm, balmy climate and never realized the beauty of the thermal air that engulfed me? 

This is cold. I breathe it. I think of it. I embrace it. I fully experience it.

Okay. Enough of that. Let's move to Ecuador and never leave. 

Give Thanks

Yeah, I know. A lot of people  object  to  Thanksgiving.

There's  controversy  over the origins. Some people  view it as an inappropriate  celebration  of white dominance  over indigenous  peoples.

Some people  see it as a day of disgusting  gluttony.

And others see it as a day of hideous  carnage  of animal flesh.

While some see it as a waste of time.

You also get those for whom it is just plain painful due to loss or lack of loved ones. Or from abusive or prickly family members .

I see it as a day to take a pause and be grateful. Life is hard, but it's  also beautiful. In the midst of sorrow  there is also joy. It must be actively  sought-after  or it will escape our notice.

What could be better  than a day set aside to do this?

Regardless  of its  origins. Regardless  of how its  celebrated and whether  we approve  or not, can we set that aside for a moment and take some time to pause and reflect  on what's  good  in life?

We live in a world of controversy. Must we also argue about this? Can we just listen  to  the  name of the holiday and base it on that?

Thanksgiving. Give thanks and be quiet, please. You'll  enjoy the holiday  much better  if you do.

T7DS

They talk about the seven deadly sins... or, at least, they used to. Nowadays no one really cares about them and would possibly argue whether or not they are actually sins.

Whether they should be or not is a topic for another blog. We can't be too serious here.

Anyway, I was thinking, what are the seven deadly sins of today? If we were to poll people on the street about the most heinous character traits they can think of, the list might look something like this:

Today's 7 Deadly Sins

OR

T7DS

1. Being judgmental. (Unless of course, you're the one doing it, then it's okay.)

2. Withholding things from those who are trying to force those things from you. (That's selfish.)

3. Being optimistic. (Hello, life stinks, don't you know. Only pessimists are realists. And they're not pessimists. They're realists.)

4. Being hypocritical. (This only applies to others, not you.)

5. Being in the majority. (Only the perceived majority -- if you are considered being in the minority, even if you are not actually in the minority, but you are perceived as in the minority, and you aren't any more, that is still okay. If you are perceived as the majority, and you are actually in the minority now, that is not okay.)

6. Being virtuous. (Because obviously, virtuous people are judging everyone else, right? See T7DS #1.)

7. Being boring. (Some people see this as synonymous with T7DS #6, but there are subtle differences. I mean, you can be un-virtuous and boring at the same time.)

So, today I'm going to come to the defense of those guilty of  T7DS #7. Because, I mean, really, who can argue with the first six?

I submit being boring is not the worst thing a person could be.

Is being boring really worse than being selfish, pessimistic, cynical, critical, arrogant, deceitful or  rude? A person who drives you crazy, winds you up and makes you want to commit to a homicide is definitely not boring. Those people are the ones who really make me wonder if being boring is such a bad thing.

But I know people who would say yes. I know people who would rather have anything than boring.

Some of my favorite people are what the world calls boring. They aren't covered in tattoos or pierced all over and their hair isn't purple. They don't go to protests and they don't get into political or religious arguments on social media. They don't live alternative lifestyles (gasp!), whatever that is (One could make the argument that today's alternative lifestyle is being married to the opposite sex, having kids after marriage and never divorcing - also, one could argue that this situation is perceived as a majority even if it is an actual minority and therefor qualifies for T7DS #5, but I'm not going there...today.), AND they have regular boring families that do regular boring stuff. (I know, right?)

But despite all this lack of lovely not-boring-ness, they never say clever, nasty things. They don't say interesting things about people who aren't there. They never talk too much and they leave lots of time for other people to respond. They aren't loud or obnoxious, they don't talk over anyone and they treat others with respect. They don't lie, they say it like it is and somehow, even though they are playing straight, they make me feel like I'm loved. These are traits I admire, but then, I hope most people do...

Uh oh... that's T7DS #3....

All time favorite fictional Characters

My brother posted something fun on Facebook, his top ten all time favorite fictional characters. While I intend to post on Facebook, I thought it would be fun to include the list here on my blog because I can make the list longer, and I can make comments. 

1. Mr. Akins (Paul Lynde) in Send Me No Flowers -movie (Seriously, if you haven't seen this movie and you like comedy, you should; it's hysterical. And Paul Lynde does a hilarious job of an oily salesman, but it's what he sells that makes it soooooo funny.)

2. Melanie Hamilton - Gone with the Wind - book, not movie (I always wanted to be Melanie, but alas! no amount of effort seems to overcome my innate sense of un-Melanie-ness.)

3. Elinor Dashwood - Sense and Sensibility - book and movie, mostly the book (I don't know if I've ever related to a character more.)

4. Peppermint Patty from Peanuts comic strip by Charles Shulz (Unfortunately, I also relate to her -- especially when it comes to math, but not sports.)

5. Kermit the Frog during the Sesame Street years (How my childhood heart sympathized with him! I felt I was also in a world gone crazy and trying to bring some sense to it!)

6. Barney Fife acted by Don Knotts From the Andy Griffith Show (Especially when he gets to put his bullet in his gun or when he's in charge or when he's got his hair slicked back and his bow tie on to go courting or... okay, I guess he's funny all the time.)

8. Clem Kadiddlehopper created by Red Skelton - ("FROGS! FROGS!..." Classic.) 

9. Bertie Wooster - P.G.Wodehouse's Wooster and Jeeves series - books and BBC production (Truly, I love how cheerful he is.)

10. The Mother in Family Dog from Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories (I loved her as a teen when I first saw her, but I had no idea how much like her I would eventually become, it makes me want to go jump off a bridge somewhere....)

11. Miss Julia in the books written by Ann B. Ross (I adore when she says, "Far be it from me to judge..." and then she proceeds to judge. Makes me laugh every time. Every time. It's like when people say, "no offense, but..." and then they proceed to say the most offensive thing you can imagine --and of course, they think you are obligated not to be offended because they put that little disclaimer on there.)

12. Miss Marple of Agatha Christie fame. (Nemesis is my favorite)

13. Flavia De Luce in the series written by Alan Bradley (The more any particular book in the series makes me laugh, the more I like it.)

14. Horton in the Dr. Seuss book,  Horton Hatches the Egg (He's reliable. How many real people can you say that about?)

15. Samwise Gamgee in the Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien (Seriously? Do I need to comment about this one? It should be obvious.)

Okay, so you'll notice most of these fictional characters are humorous in some way. That should surprise no one.

Now, I know people are looking at this blog. You can't fool me. I don't know who you are, but I know you're there. You don't want to admit to checking up on it (can't say as I blame you -- it is an odd one), and you don't want to comment, but I would love to see other people's favorite character lists.  It doesn't have to have 15, it could just be top 5 or 3 or 20 or whatever, so be brave! Write a list! If you want to be really daring, post it in the comments! Gasp!

Some Things Are More Fun Than Being Ill but That Doesn't Make Them Fun

Things I'd rather do than be sick:

1. Gut a fish.

2. Eat cow eyeballs.

3. Have my gums scraped.

4. Pick up bugs.

5. Moderate an altercation between teenagers.

6. Run a marathon.

7. Run at all.

8. Bathe a cat.

9. Speak in public.

10. Die.

Expletives Made Easy

So why is it, repeating words over and over again is considered bad writing, yet foul language can be repeated liberally throughout a book and that's kosher? No one says it's a lack of imagination or claims the writer gave no real thought to the dialogue etc.

If you want a writing challenge that will stretch you a bit write an angry scene in which no bad language is used and whoever is reading it won't realize it's missing.

Not the easiest thing to do, is it?

Clearly we need some more creative was of expressing ourselves. Whether we are angry or simply want to insult someone we need a few more options in my opinion.

For all you budding authors out there I've come up with a list of creative ways to express strong emotion. You can thank me later.

1. Wingummit! Now this is a word that's clearly underused. Why is it, that when the murderer is about to strike and has been thwarted by the hero we never get to see this one?

2. Swellaweller!

3.Flimflamonger!

4. Golly whiz ferbert!

5. Fish bait breath!

6. Sap sucking son of a salamander!

7. Busted baboon bottoms!

8. Flaming flouncing flamingos!

Imagine using these instead of the usual insults and expletives. Just think of the effect this would have on your readers! You could stand out from other authors in new and interesting ways! Don't be afraid to be a trailblazer! Come up with some of your own!

Blasphemy! Gasp!

Pride and Prejudice is not a Romance.

You heard me.

I know what you're thinking. But let's take a step back and look at the definition for the genre Romance.

According to Romance Writers of America, "Two basic elements comprise every romance novel: a central love story and an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending."

Hmmm..... looks legit.  Seems like Pride and Prejudice should qualify...

But the main plot and focus of Romance is to stay strictly with the main romantic characters and is not to stray far from them at any point in time. If the focus strays too far for too long, then things start getting muddy and we have to question whether we actually have a Romance or if we have another genre with a lot of Romance in it. 

I know today's readers are not so nit picky. I know most of them figure if it's got a great romantic story in it, then it qualifies and who cares about finicky definitions?  

But this is a blog post and writing about pointless things is the whole point of this blog! 

Anyway, Elizabeth spends an awful lot of time not being with, talking to, describing, or thinking about Mr. Darcy. I mean, if you think about it she spends a shocking amount of her energies on other things entirely! She lavishes attention on Jane, Charlotte, and the other people in her life with no regard to him whatsoever for pages on end! 

What kind of romantic heroine is this?

Now in my experience, in Romance Novels the main couple meets on the first page and proceeds to be together in one capacity or another on every single other page of the book. If they aren't actually together they are thinking about each other. Other relationships and characters are making mere cameo appearances and spend a great deal of time talking about or to the main couple. Really, try it. Open any legitimate romance and see how many pages you can go without both parties of the main couple being mentioned from a romantic standpoint.

Not so with Pride and Prejudice. 

But might there be another genre that suits it better? That better describes the relationships and action going on in Pride and Prejudice? 

Realistic Fiction is imaginary characters doing things and in situations that could happen in real life. A strong argument could be made that Jane Austen is the founder of this genre since she's the first English author who wrote about everyday life and situations that could really happen with fictional characters which had a profound effect on English authors who came after her. But, a great deal of Romance could be said to also fit into this category. (You could, of course, also make a strong argument that Romance has little resemblance to real life, but we won't go there...today.)

Women's Fiction deals mostly with women and women's relationship and their growth. This sort of fits. But it tends to be light on romance and a bit on the heavy reading side. Not quite a good fit.

Chick Lit - Is usually about young adult women their various relationships, including romantic, and emotions and is often witty and light and fun.

Sound familiar? Fits Jane Austen to a T.

Except it wasn't invented back then.

Aaand one of the important aspects of Chick Lit is that it's modern, here, now, current. Which Austen was... a couple hundred years ago.

So where does that bring us?

I submit to you that she's a mix. Yes, a mixed genre. We'll call it 'Rerowochick'. Sounds catchy don't you think? And you were here to witness it's birth! Everyone will be using it.

Next time you're at a party with a bunch of intellectuals throw that one at them. They'll be speechless! And the whole point of being intellectual is to be finicky and precise isn't it? And what's more finicky and precise than Rerowochick?

I rest my case.

So now that we've established that Jane Austen wrote Rerowochick, lets discuss Gone With the Wind which is also not a romance....

Being Cute is a Powerful Weapon

You see this white bunny? You see the pulchritudinous innocence pouring forth from it's fluffy little face?

Is this the face of a diabolical Houdini Bunny? Is this the face of a bunny that would escape his pen in the middle of the night, leading poor little Olivia into iniquity to join into his rebellious break for freedom?

Is this the face of a bunny who would leave behind his litter habits in wild abandon, to prove his point of freedom and ownership, by leaving bunny bombs all over the house?

Is this the face of a bunny who, instead of obediently going back to his pen like sweet Olivia, would make his owners chase him around the house at 3 AM and think it was all a very good game?

Is this the face of a bunny who, after being caught and put in said bunny pen, would have the audacity to ask for a treat?????

You bet it is.

Bland Foods and Alternate Uses for Them

Prolonged illness! Another list! More Sarcasm! Oh boy!

Today I thought I'd come up with ways in which bland foods could be used other than providing weak sustenance for a person who is already exhausted but can't keep down anything that would actually give health and energy to a compromised system.

This list is here for pure entertainment purposes. I disclaim any responsibility for what may happen if someone else actually does these things. What I do is my own business.

1. Saltine crackers. There are many uses for these. I suggest crumbling them up and blowing them like dust into the eyes of people who tell you you 'don't look sick'. An accomplice could also contrive to put them into the bottom of their shoes, or in their socks.

2. Instant mashed potatoes. Now these are really handy. They work as temporary glue, a medium for sculpting in case of extreme boredom and to make life really exiting, just eat them too fast! Choking always makes things more interesting.

3. White rice. These are great for practical jokes. The next time you're sick and you can't clean house just randomly leave a few here and there - especially around the kitchen - they can look just like maggots! If you can get an accomplice this works much better. Also, said accomplice can surreptitiously leave them advantageously around in houses of people who think you are feigning illness to avoid them.

4. Applesauce. This stuff has great entertainment value. Stick your tongue out, put some on the end of it and say "la la la la" until it falls off. The sensation is hilarious, especially after being stuck in your room for too long, doing nothing but staring at the walls.

5.  Banana. Give a nip to your bunny. They love it, then they love you, then you'll feel like someone appreciates you after all.

6. Toast. Have them cut up, then stack them up like a house of cards and see how many pieces you can remove before the whole thing falls. Make sure to leave lots of crumbs everywhere. Then you can curse yourself later when you're feeling well and you have to clean them up. Whatever you do, don't actually eat the toast - you've had it too many times when you're sick and if you eat it again, you'll puke for sure. (Trust me on this one).

7. Watered down Gatoraide. Pretend it's totally delicious and then offer one of your kids (or any other gullible person, because after a while, let's face it, the kids wise up) a sip and watch their faces when they fall for it. (Because, with lupus, you're not contagious- it won't hurt them at all.)

8. Apple juice. Slurp it down like it's manna from heaven because it's so much more flavorful than everything else you're eating. Then be violently sick because you really shouldn't have had it. Hey! What's this doing on this list???

9. Chicken broth. This one is obvious. Warm your frozen hands, face, nose, feet and anything else that might be cold on it. It can also make nice little rivers and moats for your mashed potatoes. Again, don't actually drink it. See # 6 above.

You're probably wondering where # 10 is. Well, to be honest, if there were more foods I could eat when I was sick this list might not exist - so aren't you lucky there isn't! Oh yes, your life is complete now. What would you do without me?

Food for Thought

And interesting discussion came up on Goodreads. I felt it was worth repeating here.

Someone posted that they weren't crazy about classics because they prefer books that have good pacing and keep the reader engaged. They found classics to be boring. Here was my response:

I don't savor most current authors. I consume their books, toss them aside, and never read them again. They are like junk food; tastes good at the time, no lasting nutrition. This is why I am stingy with 5 star books.

Current authors know what they are supposed to do to engage the reader and keep the story going. Even the ones who don't know how to write can do that much. But very few treat it as a craft and write truly beautiful things.

Many of today's readers don't have much interest in finely crafted writing. They want to be gripped from page one and want the tension to be tight with no lags in pacing throughout the entire story. They don't ask for much more than that. That is why many of today's books won't endure.

A few will, not saying none will.

But that is exactly why I don't re-read them. My curiosity was the only thing propelling me through the book and once it was assuaged, I had no more interest in it.

I don't blame the authors. That is how they are taught to write, and that is what readers expect. Many readers don't want to have to work for anything.

If anything, the poor writing of today is because line editing is becoming extinct. To save costs, publishers have eliminated it entirely.

As a result, glaring inconsistencies, cheese, redundancies, poor character development, pacing problems and all kinds of other things are not pointed out or corrected that would have been even fifty years ago.

Having said that, not all classics are equally well written. They are not all universally enjoyed. People rate them with one star as well as 5 stars. Readers still have opinions about them. They are still worth rating and being included in today's conversations. Just because something was written a hundred years ago, doesn't automatically make it good.

No, classics are not organized, paced and constructed the way today's books are. But they have something that today's books can't even touch. Beautifully crafted sentences and a command of the English language very few today can emulate. These books are almost poetic in their turn of phrase and those who love the English language and words and the many ways they can be put together love them.

We are all different. We all like different things. Our differences are what make goodreads interesting. What you have posted will help others with your same turn of mind find good things to read. They'll want to look at your book shelf to see what they'll like and they'll think you have incredibly good taste and find some new books they love.

Some people love classics and aren't sure which books written many years ago are worth their time. They'll want to check out the book shelves of someone who loves classics. They'll admire their choices.

The important thing is that our ratings are an honest reflection of what we thought of the books we read from our own perspective.

The point of goodreads for me is finding new things to enjoy that I otherwise may not have been aware of to read. There are current authors that I have thoroughly enjoyed and will read over and over again that I wouldn't have known about if it hadn't been for other people's suggestions. It's worth wading through twenty 'junk food' books, for me, to find that one book that is a real feast.

I fully recognize that the book I wrote isn't according to current book writing standards. I'm also aware there will be very few who enjoy it compared to the millions of readers out there. 

In one draft I tried to give it a 'hook' but it just seemed gimmicky and wrong. Charlotte's story unfolds slowly, I know I'm the author and I can do whatever I want, but I couldn't change it without being false. I didn't think I'd ever publish it, so it didn't matter. 

I'm surprised at how many have liked it because I do believe most readers want instant gratification in their books. I'm grateful to know that is not always the case.

I really shouldn't blog when I don't feel well.

Today's post is about an outrage I think ought to be addressed.

I'm talking about those people, of whom I will sanctimoniously name no names, that slink into the kitchen and swipe my juice, unawares. I mean really, how underhanded is that? What kind of person does it take to raid a refrigerator and pillage undefended substances like juice? 

And here I am, the innocent victim, working away and suddenly have a craving for something sweet and cold and delicious. Oh, I can just taste it already. I gleefully sweep into the kitchen only to find I have been ROBBED!!! Just as I was about to enjoy cool refreshment, it is knocked maliciously from my grasp! I am left to wallow in wretched disappointment! Oh the humanity!

Something has to be done about this. Juice drinkers of the world unite! Stand up for your rights to juice! When juice has been carefully horded and squirreled away for a rainy day (or every day) it should be there when it is called upon for service!

And don't even get me started on the hot cocoa...

I Know Nothing

This has been the learning pattern of my life:

Years 0-5: confidence and discovery

Years 6-14: uncertainty

Years 14-19: I'm smarter than my parents.

Years 20-29: I know everything.

Years 30-39: I was an idiot when I was in my twenties, NOW I know everything.

Years 40-49: I know nothing.

So the big question is: Do I ever get to be smart again?  Or is being stupid obligatory ever more after a person has teenagers?

I have to admit there is something illuminating, humbling and not just a little demoralizing about watching my cherished, fawned over babies become independent teenagers who are more than willing to shed childhood to become separate beings from their parents. Who gave them the idea they have minds of their own anyway? Rats. That would be me. What was I thinking????? I'm going to unleash these kids onto the world? Thinking for themselves??!!?? AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Guess it's a good thing they already know it all.)

What is this anyway? Didn't I already live through the teen years? Why do my kids have to do it too? Isn't there some kind of way to zap them over them? Can we skip those years and go straight to grand-babies?  I mean seriously, there's a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow right?

Isolation vs Connectedness

There is an element to writing that isn't discussed very often. There seems to be two basic types to many characters in writing. Characters who are isolated and characters who are connected.

Isolated are those who seem to live within themselves - they live life with their nose pressed against the glass looking at others who are interacting with each other and they can't quite figure out why there's a divide there. There is also the isolated character who deliberately isolates themselves and knows full well why - usually some bond of trust was broken somewhere.

On the other hand there is also the character that is connected. They have close personal ties to family, friends, and humanity in general. Sometimes they only have a few connections, sometimes many but they seem to really participate in life and invest themselves in others.

I find both types interesting to read. And I identify with both - usually depending on how I feel. If I'm feeling pretty good and my health is well in hand I feel connected. If I feel sick and I'm confined to my room - isolated. I live in both worlds.

Bunnies, bunnies everywhere...

Oh boy! More lists! They say it takes a certain type of person to be a bunny person. We must be pretty far on the bunny people spectrum since we have four of them.

Here's 15 random observations I've made about our fuzzy little critters:

1. A bunny's trust is to be gained. It is not automatically given.

2. Bunnies are highly suspicious of new foods.

3. Our bunnies hate the smell and sound of bacon. They hide when we are cooking it and won't come out again until the smell dissipates.

4.  Bunnies do not perform for strangers. They have this 'I'm a dumb bunny' expression they put on their face and allow their eyes to go glassy and sit in a little ball and pretend they are the most boring creatures on the planet. It's one of their favorite defense mechanisms. Note: this rarely works because they're too cute and furry and people pick them up anyway but it doesn't stop the bunnies from trying.
 
5. Bunnies like fuzzy things. I find this amusing. Do they know they are furry? I think they must. Our plush fleece blankets are their favorites things to hang out on. 

6. Once you have a bunny's trust they are highly entertaining and reveal themselves to have fun, quirky personalities.

7. A bunny senses the emotions of it's owners. Not sure how they do this, but somehow they know. Probably because of #8 on this list.

8. A bunny is an astute student of both rabbit body language and people body language. They have a language all their own and it doesn't take long to know what the bunny is thinking and feeling because they are so expressive.

9. Bunnies love to be sung to. Especially if you sing a little ditty about them.

10. Bunnies don't like it when you invade their living space. It's their space, so if you're going to be in it you'd better follow their rules of protocol. IE don't move the stuff they moved, don't touch their hay, don't pluck them out of there without their consent, don't wake them, and don't ignore them. If you must breach the rules then you'd better have a treat handy, preferably some papaya.

11. Bunnies never have bad breath. Never. And they smell nice - like fresh summer sunshine.

12. They like to do elaborate little dances in the morning and love to show off. They want praise for these feats of speed and agility. The more compliments they get, the more they zip around.

13. Our bunnies are very lovey in the evenings. They lavish us with affection and cuddle and snuggle close to be petted and give us lots of bunny kisses.

14. Bunnies love tunnels and hide y-holes. When they don't want to be disturbed they hang out in them. When they want to be petted they hang out right by the door of the gate.

15. Bunnies have no concept of personal space. This includes with other bunnies and humans as well.

I like animals in general but bunnies are my favorite. They bring a smile to my face and distract me from 'real life' and bring a bit of nature into my home. This is important to me since I'm not supposed to be outside. They are not the right pet for everyone - they are delicate and not good for households with young children or for people who will be ignoring them a lot. But we love ours.

Fun with being sick! Oh boy!

I've decided I like lists. So today I thought I'd make a list of all the fun things a person can do while they're so sick they'd just as soon be dead and they've been confined to their bedroom for a little longer than what's good for their sanity! I don't know where I come up with this great stuff!!!

1. Stare at your bedroom until you decide you hate everything in it. Bonus points if you actually overhaul the entire room when you feel better again.

2. Origami tissues. Since there's not typically a lot of entertainment in a bedroom you have to get creative. The tissue box is right there - just pull one out. My specialties are a rock and a piece of crumpled paper - you should see them - very realistic.

3. Blowing saltine cracker crumbs everywhere. This one you have to try to know how fun it is. Stuff a bunch of saltines in you mouth - crunch them swiftly and carelessly with your mouth open - this works best if your mouth is really dry - then blow. It's like snow. Ah, the excitement.

4. Call for people. Your family will love this one. Always wait till they've left the room before you call them back. Make sure they've made it a good way down the hall at least.

6. Blow bubbles in your drink with a straw. I think this one is self explanatory.

7. Obsess about the cleanliness of your room. Allow the tiniest purity infraction to really get in your craw until you're so indignant it almost gives you enough energy to do something about it. Creating drama in your life really makes it more interesting. (What is a craw exactly?)

8. Check Facebook, Pinterest and every other social websites you can think of and keep looking at them until your brain melts.

9. Complain. This is especially fun when you have an audience but said audience is not actually necessary.

10. Find shapes in your ceiling texture. This is almost as good as finding shapes in clouds! 

11. Look at everything cross eyed. The downside to this one is that it might make you feel sicker, especially if you have a stomach complaint. Squinting at everything can be pretty entertaining too.

12. Make a landscape out of your blanket. Mostly I make mountains and hills.

13. Watch TV until all your faith in humanity is irretrievably lost. Let's face it, depression is better than boredom.

14. While watching TV squish peoples heads on the screen between your fingers or look at them through a circle you make with your hand.  TVs and optical illusions can pass quite bit of time.

16. Change channels on your TV really quickly and string the sound bites together to create crazy conversations.

17. Have someone get a remote control for your lamps. Click them on and off and on and off. You can make your own light show!

18. Use a lamp to make a shadow show on the wall. Butterflies and crocodiles are my favorite. 

19. When everything else fails to entertain and you're getting desperate blog about something really stupid.

Coupon Code

In order to reserve the right to eventually publish a hard copy of my book if I so choose I have to set a certain price for the e-book. But I like bargains so I offer one to potential book buyers. To get 40% off, here's a coupon code good till July 19th: DG75F

Book Published - Yikes!

Death bed requests should be taken seriously.

I always thought if I ever got one I would be non-committal and then I wouldn't be obliged one way or another. (At this point you should probably be asking yourself why I'd ever thought through how I would respond to a death bed request.) I underestimated the power of someone I love asking me to do something before she died.

We became friends before she was diagnosed with cancer. I have lupus amongst other nasty things and she came home from a vacation and asked me if my bones hurt. I said no, my joints hurt. She said her bones hurt.  I said that's not normal; go see a doctor. It was bone cancer. Bone cancer is terminal. People don't recover from bone cancer. It was horrible.

I have a lot of health problems, and I mean a lot. I am riddled with chronic illnesses. I don't like people to know the extent to which I've had to modify my life to live with them and thrive but I let her in because she was the only person who, instead of looking at the way I lived my life in horror understood what I was dealing with.We laughed about them.

This is the power of friendship. You can laugh at debilitating chronic illnesses. You can laugh at terminal cancer. We called bone cancer a chronic illness. We laughed at her wig. We laughed at people's reactions. We laughed when I'd get diagnosed with something new. It made it all more bearable.

And we cried. She call when she didn't feel up to visitors. Crying usually happened on the phone, laughing usually happened in person. I guess because if I was with her we were both feeling relatively good.

She mentioned she was running out of things to read during chemo. As a friend I naturally wanted to help with that. I made book suggestions. She wanted to read my book. So I let her. She loved it because she loved me.

It took years for her to go because she is a fighter. I saw her for the last time a few weeks before she died. I knew it was the last time, she knew it was the last time. After that she was in and out of consciousness and slept most of the time. Her family told me she was hardly ever lucid after that and when she was, it wasn't for long. And I got an e-mail.

The e-mail had a request in it. Publish the book.

I didn't want to. I didn't say one way or the other whether I would. I sent a gushy e-mail back. I don't know if she ever saw it.

And then I sat on the book with this request niggling at the back of my head. A year passed and it got worse. I couldn't stop thinking about her and how in the last clear moments she had she'd taken the time to e-mail me and ask me to do something for her. Wasn't her life and her death worth a sacrifice on my part to do this one small thing?

So I published the book. Not enough. I told people about the book. No. I feel I really have to do this thing. Which is simply not my style. I'm a very private person who is effective at masquerading as an open person if the need arises. But she knew me and knew me well and I think any effort I put forth she will understand is uncomfortable and as long as I reach out of my comfort zone it will be enough and maybe that was the motive behind the request.

I miss my friend. No one understood the way she did. And this is for her.

Joy in the Morning

It's the little things that make life so nice. The soft fur on my bunnies as I pet them, the taste of ripe fruit, the smell of lilacs, the color of my peace roses when they are in bloom, a really comfortable place to sit, a good book to read, my kids, time with my husband. Little details throughout the day add up to happiness. A huge house, a large bank account, professional acclaim, none of those things can bring what nature and companionship can.

This morning some quail with their tiny offspring was a source of joy. I ran from window to window to get a good look at them without disturbing them. There are only six this year. But what a miracle those six really are! They'll eat my strawberries, cherries, raspberries and peaches until the babies are full sized and the adults are rippling with fat for the winter but it seems a small price to pay to be able to watch them run in and out of our bushes and for the occasional treat of seeing these teeny little ones scurrying around with their parents. How grateful I am for the little bits of nature that come into my yard and gladden my life!

The Snobbery of Our Day

Another season of feeling terrible and another post. This is how it works. Once I've been sick long enough to be in a bad mood I post a rant. Cheerful isn't it?

And the more trivial the better right? 

This morning for inexplicable reasons I was thinking of blue toilet water. Yes, blue. Fun huh? But really I was reminded of an interior decorating article on do's and dont's for your home. On the list was blue toilet water.

Now for those of you who don't know there is a chemical you can put in your toilet tank that cleans your toilet bowl each time you flush and sometimes this chemical is blue.

You know where I'm going with this.

Who cares?

I mean really, what does it matter if toilet water is blue? I stick a white one in mine and for the first few unfortunate souls who go in there while it's brand new they suffer the risk of asphixiation for a few days because it has bleach in it. Technically, according to the article that's okay because the water is clear but what about my unsuspecting house guest who ends up passed out on the floor? Or my reputation when someone thinks I've slipped something in their kool-aid? But blue - no.

So apparently a visual sign that someone cares about the cleanliness of their bathroom and doesn't want to kill you is a design no - no. Hmmmm....

Let's put this in perspective shall we? Without getting too graphic here let's take a moment of silence to contemplate what we put in toilets (and no, I'm not talking about the plastic dinosaurs and such that every little boy inevitably will try to flush). Seriously, is blue cleaner you can see after each flush that bad? Frankly, I'd rather see that than any evidences of other activities that have taken place on this lovely shrine of our humanity (hence the bleach smell - let's face it, the blue stuff might not be strong enough).

But enough of that!

This post is about the snobbery in our society. My husband pointed out an article the other day about granite counter tops. Have you ever priced those things? Yikes. But now, since everyone has them no one wants them. This article said if you're selling you're home you'd better get rid of those outdated, boring things - you want something that will set you apart - quartz - which coincidentally or not coincidentally is more expensive.

Do people love snobbery so much because it makes them feel superior? As long as they can look down at their fellow men about something it gives them value of some kind albeit artificial at best. What possesses a person to sneer at another unless it's a deep feeling of inferiority?

OR is this really about getting us to spend more? It's a good ploy for it. You are not with it. You are irrelevant. You don't get it unless you buy this! Or buy that! Spend! Spend! Spend! Otherwise you are worthy of nothing but snickering derision.

Think about it, there's always someone feeling superior about something. Usually about things that do not matter. Are you wearing the right jeans? No - gasp! Are you wearing the right shoes? No - swoon. Are you carrying the right purse? No - faint.  And men, you are not exempt. So wipe the smug smile off your face because here are some gender neutral issues - do you have the right job, car, significant other? Ahhhhh!!!! Clothes, jobs, and cars! Oh my!