Kid Quotes 5

The infamous ham gravy.

Here is the last installment of Kid Quotes. The kids were quite young for these which is making me feel nostalgic.

41. Guess what happens when you leave chicken in the crock pot all day and all night and forget about it?

Chicken jerky.

I'm telling you; I'm never going to get this domestic gig figured out.
(Actually, I'd like to blame this one on my kids, but it was me.)

42.

Mathew instructing Benjamin in the ways of face washing: "...and then you have to pay attention to whether it says 'cream' or 'wash' because if it's a cream and you wash it off, it doesn't do any good and if it's a wash and you leave it on it BURNS!!"

I about died laughing. I think Mathew may be slightly offended now.

43. After being told to go brush her teeth, Sarah comes crawling into my room choking and gasps before passing out on my chair, "The bathroom stinks!"
No drama here.

44. Random Mathew quote: Those chocolate chips were morally incorrect so I ate them.

45. Me: You people need to get your work done. You're going to want to hang out with friends and I'm going to say, 'no! this place is a mess! do your chores!' and then you're all going to be all, 'waaaaaa!' So you may as well do them now.

Benjamin in an undertone to Sarah: Mom really knows us doesn't she?

Sarah quietly back: I know, right?

Ya know guys, some things don't take a genius.

46. How can a blue and green table cloth look like a dead yak?????

47. "I feel so smart spouting off facts in my glasses and you guys are all looking at me like, 'I think his glasses are on his head too tight.'"

48. Brian: We're out of ranch.
Me: The horror.
Brian: We need more.
Me: Too bad.
Brian: For a second I thought you understood the gravity of the situation.
(author's note: After posting this on facebook my neighbor shows up at my door with a bottle of ranch dressing and says, "I understand the gravity of the situation!" I have the best neighbors.)

49. My kids are threatening to juice the ham so it will make more ham gravy. They seemed to think putting it through a cider press would work best.

50. I'm officially loosing it. I drove the middle school carpool this morning and was out of the neighborhood and on my way to the middle school when I realized I had no kids in my car! I had to go back and get them.

51. Apparently, loading the dishwasher is the end of world as we know it.

_^52. Me: Hurry and get your shoes on.

Sarah: You're just enjoying ruling over me.
I walk away rolling my eyes.
Where, oh where does this attitude come from.... hmmm....

53. Mathew had his wisdom teeth out yesterday. On our way home he suddenly exclaimed, "I shouldn't be driving!" (he wasn't) "I thought those three girls were six girls back there!" (There were four girls). He also thought he could walk by himself when he got home and hit the garage door! I was too small to stop him. I should have brought Brian with me. Me helping Mathew alone was a joke.

54. Ham gravy again tonight. My kids were positively frolicking in it. One of them said he was going to put it on his cereal in the morning after which a serious discussion about exactly which cereal would taste best with ham gravy on it ensued.
(author's note - the decided on cereal was Corn Chex)

55. In the car James suddenly sits bolt upright and says, "We have to go to the store!
Me: "Why?"
James: "We left Brian home alone with the milk!"
Cue the horror movie music.

56.  made ham gravy tonight with dinner so James grabs some raw broccoli off the veggie tray and starts dunking it and says, "Everything tastes better with gravy on it." So naturally they all have to test the various vegetables out in the gravy. Trust my kids to come up with an incredibly unhealthy way to eat their veggies.

57. Mathew: This cut is getting infected.

James: I never get infections. I'm too sexy for that sort of thing.

Heaven help us all.

58. James has a cut that looks infected. Bad karma?

59.I think James is feeling better. He pretended to swat his sister and said, "This is the part where you freak out."
I said, "Let's just skip that part."
James said, "But that's my favorite part."
Sarah just sat there and ignored the whole thing. This is what comes of having 4 brothers.

60. After Richard asked James to do something tonight he added, 'and let's skip the routine where I have to ask you 15 times before you do it.'
James says 'Awww, but I like that routine!'
That would explain a lot. 

61, I was in Home Depot with James. We walk by a decorated Christmas tree. James says, "That's the fakest looking tree I've seen in my life!"
The problem?
It was real.
We've owned too many fake trees.

62. Mathew calls the cordless phone a portaphone.... now how am I supposed to not laugh at that?

63. Last night Sarah informed me she'd been dramatized. Normally I can hold it in, but this time I burst out laughing, at which she became even more dramatized.

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Kid Quotes 4

I wouldn't if I were you.

31. Overheard song in our house today:
"Popeye the red nosed..." (brief pause) "... what did he do?"
So sad.

32. The brothers objecting to Sarah wearing makeup. I ask what they're going to do when she dates. They tell me they will kill whoever tries. And it begins....poor girl has no idea what she's in for.

33. Brian: We're out of toilet paper.
Me: We are?
Brian: This is almost as bad as being out of milk.
Me: Almost? It's not worse?
Brian: Don't be ridiculous. It's not like the world's going to end.
I'm beginning to grasp the extent of horror certain people experience at the prospect of a household without milk.

34. I come home from the grocery store and the kids came out to get the groceries (or so I thought) but instead of hauling them in they just stood there looking through what I got. I finally said, "Stop sight seeing and take them in!" Then one of them says, "But they're so pretty."
At least I now know what these guys think is aesthetically pleasing.

35. Why must I be subjected to things like fake jelly fish (and eerily life like at that too) made from glue hanging from my lamp? Boys and boredom reap strange results.

36. Ham gravy, in this house, seems to inspire such extraordinary behavior. This year they wanted to pour it into their water goblets and have it in lieu of a beverage. I've found this fascination with the stuff baffling over the years but I was informed yesterday that ham gravy tastes like bacon. Bacon that you can pour all over your plate and dip stuff in. Mystery solved.

37. There's evidence of FHE all over the living room. Scriptures scattered around, hymnals everywhere, papers doodled on...a broken lamp... They learn something in all this right?

38. Upon decorating for Christmas and my sister complimenting an idea of mine I said: I may be a total idiot about most things but I do know how to decorate.
Sister: Your supposed to say positive things about yourself and not talk about yourself the way your kids see you.

39. Richard: "... gluten free is becoming a fad diet - a lot of people are choosing to eat that way even though they don't have to."
Benjamin: "IDIOTS!"
James: "That IS really bizarre!"
I guess having a choice in the matter makes a difference.
Editors note:James and Benjamin have Celiac's disease

40.  Sarah's been running around today shooting things with nerf guns and looking like a nerf version of rambo. She's such a funny combination of girly girl and tom boy.