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Charlotte's Ordinary Life

Love and Potato Chips

Keep in mind these are romances and they have a definite inspirational bent - so if that sort of thing gives you the willies you better not get them and I'm sure you'll find something else more to your liking on Smashwords.

Kid Quotes 4

I wouldn't if I were you.

31. Overheard song in our house today:
"Popeye the red nosed..." (brief pause) "... what did he do?"
So sad.

32. The brothers objecting to Sarah wearing makeup. I ask what they're going to do when she dates. They tell me they will kill whoever tries. And it begins....poor girl has no idea what she's in for.

33. Brian: We're out of toilet paper.
Me: We are?
Brian: This is almost as bad as being out of milk.
Me: Almost? It's not worse?
Brian: Don't be ridiculous. It's not like the world's going to end.
I'm beginning to grasp the extent of horror certain people experience at the prospect of a household without milk.

34. I come home from the grocery store and the kids came out to get the groceries (or so I thought) but instead of hauling them in they just stood there looking through what I got. I finally said, "Stop sight seeing and take them in!" Then one of them says, "But they're so pretty."
At least I now know what these guys think is aesthetically pleasing.

35. Why must I be subjected to things like fake jelly fish (and eerily life like at that too) made from glue hanging from my lamp? Boys and boredom reap strange results.

36. Ham gravy, in this house, seems to inspire such extraordinary behavior. This year they wanted to pour it into their water goblets and have it in lieu of a beverage. I've found this fascination with the stuff baffling over the years but I was informed yesterday that ham gravy tastes like bacon. Bacon that you can pour all over your plate and dip stuff in. Mystery solved.

37. There's evidence of FHE all over the living room. Scriptures scattered around, hymnals everywhere, papers doodled on...a broken lamp... They learn something in all this right?

38. Upon decorating for Christmas and my sister complimenting an idea of mine I said: I may be a total idiot about most things but I do know how to decorate.
Sister: Your supposed to say positive things about yourself and not talk about yourself the way your kids see you.

39. Richard: "... gluten free is becoming a fad diet - a lot of people are choosing to eat that way even though they don't have to."
Benjamin: "IDIOTS!"
James: "That IS really bizarre!"
I guess having a choice in the matter makes a difference.
Editors note:James and Benjamin have Celiac's disease

40.  Sarah's been running around today shooting things with nerf guns and looking like a nerf version of rambo. She's such a funny combination of girly girl and tom boy.

Kid Quotes 3

Olivia and Aaron

Picking up where I left off last time: 

21.

Different kid: I'm hungry for fruit.

Me: Have some kiwi... and PEEL IT!

Same different kid: Why?

I'm raising a bunch of cave men.

22. One of my kids was late for school so I write a note.

Kid: Don't write that!

Me: It's the truth. You want me to tell the truth don't you?

Kid: Yes, but tell a different truth.

I end up writing something vague and incomprehensible.

23. "All I know about presidential candidates is something about some McDonald guy."
-Anonymous to protect the guilty.

24. One of my kids calls herbal tea boiled weeds.

25. A new phrase has been coined: 'obesity sauce'. A very good description of Alfredo sauce in general.

Although I notice giving it a more appropriate name hasn't slowed down the consumption of said sauce.

26. You know you're getting old when you have to read the captions on 'before and after' pictures to see which ones were 'before' and which ones were 'after'. (okay, so that was me too.)

27. After I protest over one of my kids being self deprecating:

Kid # 1: He's always making fat jokes about himself.

Kid # 2: Hey! I need my fat jokes! It keeps me from getting too depressed about my weight.

Kid # 3: I'm not so sure fat pride is the answer to your weight problems.

28. Bunnies never have bad breath. You were all dying to know that. 

29. I tend to tune into and out of conversations while I'm doing stuff. Then I end up hearing weird snippets.

Kid #1 "... this is why we need a new toaster oven."

Kid #2 (in a mock threatening tone) "And that's why you're going to need a new kidney."

I didn't even ask.

30. Me: Hey! Who got out my juice? Who's been drinking my juice?

Brian: It's cranberry raspberry mom, cranberry raspberry.

Me: That doesn't mean you can just invite yourself to drink my juice. I don't want you drinking my juice.

Brian: Then you should have built a temple with booby traps around it.

So that's what you have to do to keep people out of your food in this house.