So I've read an article or two (or a million) on query letters. I thought I'd entertain myself by writing a really, really bad one. So here it is, enjoy!
To whom it may concern,
While dinking around on the internet, since I had nothing better to do, I ran across your literary agency. Your page didn't look too professional so I thought I might have a chance by querying you.
I've written a work of Women's Fiction that's about 80,000 words in length - or at least it will be when I've finished with it. The title is Persephone's big decision. I guess it could be given a different one, but I'm really attached to the title and the book and I really don't want anything changed.
In my book there's this gal named Persephone. Persephone's father falls down dead of stab wounds in her apartment. The police are there and she doesn't like the way they are eyeing her. Not that she could blame them. Only four years ago she wanted to murder him herself.
But who would want him dead? That is, besides her, her sisters, and, well, every woman within a twenty mile radius. Of course there were also all the people he scammed.... it could have been one of them... after all he was evil incarnate wasn't he? Or was he? Was there more to him than Persephone knew?
If you are interested in learning more about Persephone's journey you may contact me by phone or via e-mail or mail. The choice is yours! I'm sending out multiple queries, which may or may not interest you.
I have no previous publishing experience. Shocking I know! But there it is. However, I assure you my kids love for me to tell them stories and my dearest friends love my book. They wouldn't want me to change anything either. I have lots of writing experience since I've been writing in a journal since I was twelve! I feel that I am particularly qualified to write this book of Womens' Fiction since I've been a woman all my life and I know all about being a woman.
I've included an attachment with my book in it, you're going to love it! Hurry and read it. I'll be calling you tomorrow to see what you think.
Sincerely,
Me
that is hilarious. the publishers will all be piling in for the opportunity to publish.
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