Kid Quotes 1

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So here's what's going on. I've been on facebook a long time. I don't look at it anymore. I haven't looked at it for a long time. I'm not sure exactly why, but it seems like such a chore. I've decided to delete my account because why have it when I'm not using it?

I looked at what I have posted to see what exactly would be deleted and discovered I'd been posting some pretty hilarious quotes from my kids. So I decided they should be transferred here since they are already public and I will be able to look at them again and have a good laugh.

We are going to go back in time starting with 2017 and ending with 2011.

1. Kid pops a hazel nut in mouth and makes a disgusted face. "That one still had it's clothes on!" Looks in can of nuts, "you can't fool me, you're wearing pants!" Starts peeling outer bits off other nuts.

2. Overheard:

Child 1: Should I make regular shepherd's pie or fancy shepherd's pie?

Child 2: If you don't make it regular everyone's going to be mad at you.

Child 1: If I make it fancy no one will want it and I'll get to eat the whole thing.

Child 2: You can't eat anything if you're dead.

3. Overheard:

Brother 1 borrowing suit jacket of Brother 2: What is this? (pulling pen out of jacket inner pocket) You have a pen in your suit jacket! Don't you know pens are cognizant of when they are in important articles of clothing so they can leak all over them?

Brother 2: That pen has been in there for months.

Brother 1: You're just lucky you got a docile pen. What if it had been an angry pen?

4. Overheard in a conversation today: ...you have coconuts around so that if the world comes to an end there's some thing to eat, but if the world hasn't ended you don't eat those coconuts...

5. Kid:We're almost out of bread. It's a breadolypse.
Me: Is that kind of like a milkolypse?
Kid: Well, it's not quite as bad as that, but still, it's an olypse, so it's okay to panic.
I fail to react in any way.
Kid: Panicking is a sign you're in good mental health in cases like this.

6. That's the problem with wearing loose fitting pants. It makes me think I can eat donuts. (okay, so that one was me)

7. What is it about getting rid of stuff that feels so liberating? Problem is, some of what I got rid of is shoes. How do I stop myself from back filling those? Or maybe getting rid of shoes and buying more shoes is part of the circle of life and I need to accept it for what it is. Hmmm..... sounds legit.... I guess I'm okay to get some shoes for my birthday then. (also me)

8. Dropping kid off at school:
Kid: That girl has a sword.
Me: She's probably part of something.
Kid: Color Gaurd. I'm going to join color guard so I can have a sword.
Me: Then you'd have to do a bunch of other stuff you don't want to do.
Kid: I'll just be the sword guy and go around stabbing stuff.
This is why auditions are a good thing.

9. Kid puts on his dad's sun hat. (In a meditative voice.) "Aaaahhhh....I can feel the dorkiness percolating throughout my body..."

10. Me (in a matter of fact tone): I'm going to start murdering everyone who messes up the kitchen.
Kid (sighing): Mom, I told you to do that a long time ago.