Thursday, March 17, 2016

The Worst Torture I Know


I'm delirious with fatigue. I'm never going to make it.  I can't even get through the next hour. My eye lids keep closing, my head keeps dropping. It's no use.

All because some seriously unbalanced people out there like playing with the time. This wreaks havoc on systems like mine that are finely tuned to the hours of the day. I'm the person who wakes up every morning two seconds before the alarm goes off. I'm the person who says 'that will take three hours,' and guess what? It takes three hours. I'm the person who says to her kids on the phone from the grocery store 'I'll be home in 20 minutes,' and then I get home in twenty minutes. I have a built in awareness of time and you know what screws that up? CHANGING THE TIME!!!!! It's torture! I have to reset my inner clock! Do you know how hard that is? I'll spend from now until fall trying, I'll be exhausted and wrong footed the entire time! I'll be late for appointments, I'll wake up and go to sleep at the wrong times, I'll get hungry when I'm not supposed to. It'll be pandemonium!!!! And just when I've got it down, just when I've got everything readjusted, figured out, and running smoothly,  THEY'LL CHANGE IT AGAIN!!!!!!

Do these people really understand how horrifying daylight savings time really is? I mean, really, what is the point? Why do we torture ourselves with this? Are we sadists or masochists or something? I can't even be funny about it.

In honor of this dismal event I've compiled a list of ten things better than daylight savings, because I like lists. There's a weird kind of comfort in quantifying disaster.

1. Public speaking.

2. Waiting in line at the DMV.

3. Root canals.

4. Kidney stones.

5. Dismemberment.

6. Dining with in laws.

7. Bankruptcy.

8. Eating bugs. 

9. Door to door salespeople.

10. Death.

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