What Happens When an Idiot Tries to Blog

So my wherewanders.com blog is down AGAIN. It's hopelessly broken. I need my in residence website repair team (my son) to fix it, but since he works full time and is attending college he doesn't have a lot of time for these things and I can't simply go whimpering off to him every time I manage to kill said website. Who knows how long it will be flat-lining????

As you may have noticed, I've been revamping this blogspot blog and transferring the posts that used to be here and adding posts that were written at wherewanders. This is because I'm tired of being stupid. BlogSpot allows me to be as inept as I please and my blog still works. 

Switching blog sites not once, but twice is blogging suicide, but apparently I care more for my own sanity than yours! Good luck finding me! 

Anyway, blogging was supposed to be a hobby, a relaxing hobby... not one that makes me want to destroy things. So welcome back! Browse around! Enjoy! I'm going to go punch something...

The Worst Torture I Know

I'm delirious with fatigue. I'm never going to make it.  I can't even get through the next hour. My eye lids keep closing, my head keeps dropping. It's no use.

All because some seriously unbalanced people out there like playing with the time. This wreaks havoc on systems like mine that are finely tuned to the hours of the day. I'm the person who wakes up every morning two seconds before the alarm goes off. I'm the person who says 'that will take three hours,' and guess what? It takes three hours. I'm the person who says to her kids on the phone from the grocery store 'I'll be home in 20 minutes,' and then I get home in twenty minutes. I have a built in awareness of time and you know what screws that up? CHANGING THE TIME!!!!! It's torture! I have to reset my inner clock! Do you know how hard that is? I'll spend from now until fall trying, I'll be exhausted and wrong footed the entire time! I'll be late for appointments, I'll wake up and go to sleep at the wrong times, I'll get hungry when I'm not supposed to. It'll be pandemonium!!!! And just when I've got it down, just when I've got everything readjusted, figured out, and running smoothly,  THEY'LL CHANGE IT AGAIN!!!!!!

Do these people really understand how horrifying daylight savings time really is? I mean, really, what is the point? Why do we torture ourselves with this? Are we sadists or masochists or something? I can't even be funny about it.

In honor of this dismal event I've compiled a list of ten things better than daylight savings, because I like lists. There's a weird kind of comfort in quantifying disaster.

1. Public speaking.

2. Waiting in line at the DMV.

3. Root canals.

4. Kidney stones.

5. Dismemberment.

6. Dining with in laws.

7. Bankruptcy.

8. Eating bugs. 

9. Door to door salespeople.

10. Death.

Middle Age - The Best Years of My Life?

They lied to me.

They told me the only thing worth being is young, thin and attractive. They told me if I wasn't any of those things then my life would stink and wasn't worth living.

But what could I do? The years passed. Even though youth feels like it will last forever, it doesn't. I aged (gasp). I had kids (double gasp), I changed sizes (NO!).

So, I've kind of noticed something. My life doesn't stink. Not a bit, as a matter of a fact, it's better. You heard me. Better.

Maybe we're cute when we're younger because we're obnoxious and our cuteness keeps us from getting strangled.

Maybe youth is worshiped out of self preservation.

Whatever the reason, the media is lying to us when it portrays youth as the happy time. I don't know about you all, but for me, youth was the stupid time. I was so angsty and shallow I'm glad to be out of it. I seriously thought I knew it all. I was the expert on everything. I now know I never knew anything and I'm okay with that. Instead of being full of what I know, I am full of what I want to find out. It's liberating and exciting. Yep, I'm embracing my stupidity.

You know what else is liberating? Being old enough to laugh at the media for idolizing youth. To roll my eyes and smile because I know the media has nothing to do with real life. Society says this, Society says that, but Reality and Society don't know each other.

I am not obligated to be anything the media says I should be. It takes middle age for most of us to finally realize the full impact of this.


And let's not forget I've reached the age where what other people think of me is their problem, not mine. If I look old, frumpy and talk like an idiot what's that to me? I've gotten comfortable in my skin. It doesn't matter. I am who I am and I'm okay with who I am. (Toot, toot! I need a pipe to whistle into.)

I proclaim my liberty! I declare my independence from looking a certain way, dressing a certain way and acting a certain way, according to the dictates of whatever is considered the way to do things right now! I will do my own thing, dress my own way, and look like me!

I know, you're shocked. How dare anyone look like them? What kind of audacity does that take? I do not apologize for my behavior. And if middle age is this liberating what will old age be like? I'll be finding out in another 20 years. For today, I'm going to go wear my old lady track suit, eat chocolates, and read a novel. Tell me, could I have done that when I was young? No. Only does middle age afford such luxuries and they feel like luxuries because I still have so much work to do, it's just that I can have a break here and there. I love that. I'm not bored, but I can have breaks, isn't that the greatest? I could go on, but I don't feel like it, so I won't. See? That's what I'm talking about.

Middle age is the best.

Give Thanks

Yeah, I know. A lot of people  object  to  Thanksgiving.

There's  controversy  over the origins. Some people  view it as an inappropriate  celebration  of white dominance  over indigenous  peoples.

Some people  see it as a day of disgusting  gluttony.

And others see it as a day of hideous  carnage  of animal flesh.

While some see it as a waste of time.

You also get those for whom it is just plain painful due to loss or lack of loved ones. Or from abusive or prickly family members .

I see it as a day to take a pause and be grateful. Life is hard, but it's  also beautiful. In the midst of sorrow  there is also joy. It must be actively  sought-after  or it will escape our notice.

What could be better  than a day set aside to do this?

Regardless  of its  origins. Regardless  of how its  celebrated and whether  we approve  or not, can we set that aside for a moment and take some time to pause and reflect  on what's  good  in life?

We live in a world of controversy. Must we also argue about this? Can we just listen  to  the  name of the holiday and base it on that?

Thanksgiving. Give thanks and be quiet, please. You'll  enjoy the holiday  much better  if you do.

T7DS

They talk about the seven deadly sins... or, at least, they used to. Nowadays no one really cares about them and would possibly argue whether or not they are actually sins.

Whether they should be or not is a topic for another blog. We can't be too serious here.

Anyway, I was thinking, what are the seven deadly sins of today? If we were to poll people on the street about the most heinous character traits they can think of, the list might look something like this:

Today's 7 Deadly Sins

OR

T7DS

1. Being judgmental. (Unless of course, you're the one doing it, then it's okay.)

2. Withholding things from those who are trying to force those things from you. (That's selfish.)

3. Being optimistic. (Hello, life stinks, don't you know. Only pessimists are realists. And they're not pessimists. They're realists.)

4. Being hypocritical. (This only applies to others, not you.)

5. Being in the majority. (Only the perceived majority -- if you are considered being in the minority, even if you are not actually in the minority, but you are perceived as in the minority, and you aren't any more, that is still okay. If you are perceived as the majority, and you are actually in the minority now, that is not okay.)

6. Being virtuous. (Because obviously, virtuous people are judging everyone else, right? See T7DS #1.)

7. Being boring. (Some people see this as synonymous with T7DS #6, but there are subtle differences. I mean, you can be un-virtuous and boring at the same time.)

So, today I'm going to come to the defense of those guilty of  T7DS #7. Because, I mean, really, who can argue with the first six?

I submit being boring is not the worst thing a person could be.

Is being boring really worse than being selfish, pessimistic, cynical, critical, arrogant, deceitful or  rude? A person who drives you crazy, winds you up and makes you want to commit to a homicide is definitely not boring. Those people are the ones who really make me wonder if being boring is such a bad thing.

But I know people who would say yes. I know people who would rather have anything than boring.

Some of my favorite people are what the world calls boring. They aren't covered in tattoos or pierced all over and their hair isn't purple. They don't go to protests and they don't get into political or religious arguments on social media. They don't live alternative lifestyles (gasp!), whatever that is (One could make the argument that today's alternative lifestyle is being married to the opposite sex, having kids after marriage and never divorcing - also, one could argue that this situation is perceived as a majority even if it is an actual minority and therefor qualifies for T7DS #5, but I'm not going there...today.), AND they have regular boring families that do regular boring stuff. (I know, right?)

But despite all this lack of lovely not-boring-ness, they never say clever, nasty things. They don't say interesting things about people who aren't there. They never talk too much and they leave lots of time for other people to respond. They aren't loud or obnoxious, they don't talk over anyone and they treat others with respect. They don't lie, they say it like it is and somehow, even though they are playing straight, they make me feel like I'm loved. These are traits I admire, but then, I hope most people do...

Uh oh... that's T7DS #3....

Expletives Made Easy

So why is it, repeating words over and over again is considered bad writing, yet foul language can be repeated liberally throughout a book and that's kosher? No one says it's a lack of imagination or claims the writer gave no real thought to the dialogue etc.

If you want a writing challenge that will stretch you a bit write an angry scene in which no bad language is used and whoever is reading it won't realize it's missing.

Not the easiest thing to do, is it?

Clearly we need some more creative was of expressing ourselves. Whether we are angry or simply want to insult someone we need a few more options in my opinion.

For all you budding authors out there I've come up with a list of creative ways to express strong emotion. You can thank me later.

1. Wingummit! Now this is a word that's clearly underused. Why is it, that when the murderer is about to strike and has been thwarted by the hero we never get to see this one?

2. Swellaweller!

3.Flimflamonger!

4. Golly whiz ferbert!

5. Fish bait breath!

6. Sap sucking son of a salamander!

7. Busted baboon bottoms!

8. Flaming flouncing flamingos!

Imagine using these instead of the usual insults and expletives. Just think of the effect this would have on your readers! You could stand out from other authors in new and interesting ways! Don't be afraid to be a trailblazer! Come up with some of your own!

Food for Thought

And interesting discussion came up on Goodreads. I felt it was worth repeating here.

Someone posted that they weren't crazy about classics because they prefer books that have good pacing and keep the reader engaged. They found classics to be boring. Here was my response:

I don't savor most current authors. I consume their books, toss them aside, and never read them again. They are like junk food; tastes good at the time, no lasting nutrition. This is why I am stingy with 5 star books.

Current authors know what they are supposed to do to engage the reader and keep the story going. Even the ones who don't know how to write can do that much. But very few treat it as a craft and write truly beautiful things.

Many of today's readers don't have much interest in finely crafted writing. They want to be gripped from page one and want the tension to be tight with no lags in pacing throughout the entire story. They don't ask for much more than that. That is why many of today's books won't endure.

A few will, not saying none will.

But that is exactly why I don't re-read them. My curiosity was the only thing propelling me through the book and once it was assuaged, I had no more interest in it.

I don't blame the authors. That is how they are taught to write, and that is what readers expect. Many readers don't want to have to work for anything.

If anything, the poor writing of today is because line editing is becoming extinct. To save costs, publishers have eliminated it entirely.

As a result, glaring inconsistencies, cheese, redundancies, poor character development, pacing problems and all kinds of other things are not pointed out or corrected that would have been even fifty years ago.

Having said that, not all classics are equally well written. They are not all universally enjoyed. People rate them with one star as well as 5 stars. Readers still have opinions about them. They are still worth rating and being included in today's conversations. Just because something was written a hundred years ago, doesn't automatically make it good.

No, classics are not organized, paced and constructed the way today's books are. But they have something that today's books can't even touch. Beautifully crafted sentences and a command of the English language very few today can emulate. These books are almost poetic in their turn of phrase and those who love the English language and words and the many ways they can be put together love them.

We are all different. We all like different things. Our differences are what make goodreads interesting. What you have posted will help others with your same turn of mind find good things to read. They'll want to look at your book shelf to see what they'll like and they'll think you have incredibly good taste and find some new books they love.

Some people love classics and aren't sure which books written many years ago are worth their time. They'll want to check out the book shelves of someone who loves classics. They'll admire their choices.

The important thing is that our ratings are an honest reflection of what we thought of the books we read from our own perspective.

The point of goodreads for me is finding new things to enjoy that I otherwise may not have been aware of to read. There are current authors that I have thoroughly enjoyed and will read over and over again that I wouldn't have known about if it hadn't been for other people's suggestions. It's worth wading through twenty 'junk food' books, for me, to find that one book that is a real feast.

I fully recognize that the book I wrote isn't according to current book writing standards. I'm also aware there will be very few who enjoy it compared to the millions of readers out there. 

In one draft I tried to give it a 'hook' but it just seemed gimmicky and wrong. Charlotte's story unfolds slowly, I know I'm the author and I can do whatever I want, but I couldn't change it without being false. I didn't think I'd ever publish it, so it didn't matter. 

I'm surprised at how many have liked it because I do believe most readers want instant gratification in their books. I'm grateful to know that is not always the case.

I really shouldn't blog when I don't feel well.

Today's post is about an outrage I think ought to be addressed.

I'm talking about those people, of whom I will sanctimoniously name no names, that slink into the kitchen and swipe my juice, unawares. I mean really, how underhanded is that? What kind of person does it take to raid a refrigerator and pillage undefended substances like juice? 

And here I am, the innocent victim, working away and suddenly have a craving for something sweet and cold and delicious. Oh, I can just taste it already. I gleefully sweep into the kitchen only to find I have been ROBBED!!! Just as I was about to enjoy cool refreshment, it is knocked maliciously from my grasp! I am left to wallow in wretched disappointment! Oh the humanity!

Something has to be done about this. Juice drinkers of the world unite! Stand up for your rights to juice! When juice has been carefully horded and squirreled away for a rainy day (or every day) it should be there when it is called upon for service!

And don't even get me started on the hot cocoa...

The Snobbery of Our Day

Another season of feeling terrible and another post. This is how it works. Once I've been sick long enough to be in a bad mood I post a rant. Cheerful isn't it?

And the more trivial the better right? 

This morning for inexplicable reasons I was thinking of blue toilet water. Yes, blue. Fun huh? But really I was reminded of an interior decorating article on do's and dont's for your home. On the list was blue toilet water.

Now for those of you who don't know there is a chemical you can put in your toilet tank that cleans your toilet bowl each time you flush and sometimes this chemical is blue.

You know where I'm going with this.

Who cares?

I mean really, what does it matter if toilet water is blue? I stick a white one in mine and for the first few unfortunate souls who go in there while it's brand new they suffer the risk of asphixiation for a few days because it has bleach in it. Technically, according to the article that's okay because the water is clear but what about my unsuspecting house guest who ends up passed out on the floor? Or my reputation when someone thinks I've slipped something in their kool-aid? But blue - no.

So apparently a visual sign that someone cares about the cleanliness of their bathroom and doesn't want to kill you is a design no - no. Hmmmm....

Let's put this in perspective shall we? Without getting too graphic here let's take a moment of silence to contemplate what we put in toilets (and no, I'm not talking about the plastic dinosaurs and such that every little boy inevitably will try to flush). Seriously, is blue cleaner you can see after each flush that bad? Frankly, I'd rather see that than any evidences of other activities that have taken place on this lovely shrine of our humanity (hence the bleach smell - let's face it, the blue stuff might not be strong enough).

But enough of that!

This post is about the snobbery in our society. My husband pointed out an article the other day about granite counter tops. Have you ever priced those things? Yikes. But now, since everyone has them no one wants them. This article said if you're selling you're home you'd better get rid of those outdated, boring things - you want something that will set you apart - quartz - which coincidentally or not coincidentally is more expensive.

Do people love snobbery so much because it makes them feel superior? As long as they can look down at their fellow men about something it gives them value of some kind albeit artificial at best. What possesses a person to sneer at another unless it's a deep feeling of inferiority?

OR is this really about getting us to spend more? It's a good ploy for it. You are not with it. You are irrelevant. You don't get it unless you buy this! Or buy that! Spend! Spend! Spend! Otherwise you are worthy of nothing but snickering derision.

Think about it, there's always someone feeling superior about something. Usually about things that do not matter. Are you wearing the right jeans? No - gasp! Are you wearing the right shoes? No - swoon. Are you carrying the right purse? No - faint.  And men, you are not exempt. So wipe the smug smile off your face because here are some gender neutral issues - do you have the right job, car, significant other? Ahhhhh!!!! Clothes, jobs, and cars! Oh my!