Middle Age - The Best Years of My Life?

They lied to me.

They told me the only thing worth being is young, thin and attractive. They told me if I wasn't any of those things then my life would stink and wasn't worth living.

But what could I do? The years passed. Even though youth feels like it will last forever, it doesn't. I aged (gasp). I had kids (double gasp), I changed sizes (NO!).

So, I've kind of noticed something. My life doesn't stink. Not a bit, as a matter of a fact, it's better. You heard me. Better.

Maybe we're cute when we're younger because we're obnoxious and our cuteness keeps us from getting strangled.

Maybe youth is worshiped out of self preservation.

Whatever the reason, the media is lying to us when it portrays youth as the happy time. I don't know about you all, but for me, youth was the stupid time. I was so angsty and shallow I'm glad to be out of it. I seriously thought I knew it all. I was the expert on everything. I now know I never knew anything and I'm okay with that. Instead of being full of what I know, I am full of what I want to find out. It's liberating and exciting. Yep, I'm embracing my stupidity.

You know what else is liberating? Being old enough to laugh at the media for idolizing youth. To roll my eyes and smile because I know the media has nothing to do with real life. Society says this, Society says that, but Reality and Society don't know each other.

I am not obligated to be anything the media says I should be. It takes middle age for most of us to finally realize the full impact of this.


And let's not forget I've reached the age where what other people think of me is their problem, not mine. If I look old, frumpy and talk like an idiot what's that to me? I've gotten comfortable in my skin. It doesn't matter. I am who I am and I'm okay with who I am. (Toot, toot! I need a pipe to whistle into.)

I proclaim my liberty! I declare my independence from looking a certain way, dressing a certain way and acting a certain way, according to the dictates of whatever is considered the way to do things right now! I will do my own thing, dress my own way, and look like me!

I know, you're shocked. How dare anyone look like them? What kind of audacity does that take? I do not apologize for my behavior. And if middle age is this liberating what will old age be like? I'll be finding out in another 20 years. For today, I'm going to go wear my old lady track suit, eat chocolates, and read a novel. Tell me, could I have done that when I was young? No. Only does middle age afford such luxuries and they feel like luxuries because I still have so much work to do, it's just that I can have a break here and there. I love that. I'm not bored, but I can have breaks, isn't that the greatest? I could go on, but I don't feel like it, so I won't. See? That's what I'm talking about.

Middle age is the best.

Mom's Rules

I saw a meme that went like this:

Mom's Rules:
If I cook it, you eat it.
If I buy it, you wear it.
If I wash it, you put it away.
If I clean, you keep it clean.
If I say bedtime, you say goodnight.
If I say get off the phone, you hang up.
If I say no, you don't ask why.
Because I'm the mom!

Hmmm... kind of works for small kids. But what about when half your kids are adults and the other half are nearly there? Mom's in this situation need rules just for them. So here goes:

Mom's Rules:
If you're hungry, cook something.
If you want clothes, buy them.
If you want clean clothes, wash them.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
If I say it's bedtime, I'm going to bed; you're on your own. 
If you need an appointment, pick up the phone and make one.
If I say no, don't be surprised.
It's because I'm exhausted and you're too old to be asking! 


That looks more like it.

Great Names for Boys!

A common subject amongst my younger, child-bearing friends expecting boys is what to name him? What guys name could they give their boy that hasn't already been hijacked by a well meaning mom naming a girl or that won't become a girls name in the lifetime of the child or that hasn't already been used a million times, literally.

They want something unique that doesn't sound like something a person will eventually designate for a girl.

Well, fear no more! I have compiled here a list of 20 names that are guarenteed not to be over-used and are boys names! I know! I've even listed some possible nick names for some. You can thank me later.

Oh boy! You know how I love lists!

1. Mergatroid. You could nick name him Merg. This will especially sound appropriate when he is old and crotchety.

2. Horatio. Rat for short. Doesn't that sound cute?

3. Archibald. This one has an especially catchy nick name - Baldy.

4. Abednego. Think of all the fun you'll have spelling that and repeating the pronunciation of it!

5. Hezekiah. Hezzy for short. This would be an especially good nick name if your baby resembles a muppet.

6. Shem. You could call him Shemmikins for short.

7. Rosco. Here's one you don't hear that often. I just can't picture a girl named Rosco, but then I had a hard time wrapping my brain around a girl named 'Taylor' the first time I heard it and now everyone seems to have forgotten it was ever a boys name to begin with. But still, I think this one will be a safe bet.

8. Stanely. This is a good solid name. Never mind it sounds like a small, fat, balding man. Stereo types should be abolished and there's no better way to do that than by starting a new trend. And really, Stan doesn't sound half bad. Stan sounds like that rock solid guy that always comes through.

9. Merlin. Everyone knows this is a guys name. Merl for short. I'd say you could also call him Lin, but then we're dealing with another name that's been swiped for female purposes.

10. Earnest. This is obvious. And there' s a whole play explaining why this is a good name. And who wouldn't like to be called Ernie?

11. Pudwalikesneth. Oh the possibilities here! Puddy, Walli, Kes, Nethy. It goes on and on.

12. Nebuchadnezzar. A good, solid, Bible name. Why don't we see this more often?  Good old Nebby.

13. Elroy. A nice, down home name. Call him El, short and easy.

14. Tutankhamen. Why aren't we using historical names more? There's a veritable treasure trove of these completely going to waste! You don't have to call him Tut for short. There are lots of possibilities in this name. How about Kha or Tan?

15. Guildenstern.Guilder or Denny or Sternie make good nick names. His friends can be all, like, Hey! It's the Guildster! Guild, my man. (That is, if anyone actually talked that way.)

16. Quirinius. Now this one is fun! A name that starts with a Q! How many of those are there? You could call him Quinnie when he's a baby and Quirt when he's older.

17. Boaz. Bo, obviously.

18. Zidkijah - Zid. That sounds snappy. Come here Zid. Hey, Zid, hand me the ketchup.

19. Lysimachus. Lyss. Machus. Chus. Another one with lots of possibilities.

20. Agamemnon. Aggie. Who wouldn't want this name? Both the name and the nickname are awesome!

And there you have it! Twenty rarely-used, distinctly-male, no-girl-would-want-them names! I could have doubled this list easily! Tripled it, no problem. Yes sir, if you want a good boy name I am your, er... woman!