Doing What I Like to Do.

I think my brains are addled.

Seriously, this thing's getting so convoluted I can't think straight.

Okay, so here's the problem with writing mysteries. They're hard. Writing romances is a walk in the park compared to this. How long have I been working on this novel? Will it never end? And of course, of course, as usual this mystery just cannot take itself seriously. Nothing I write can take itself seriously.

Whine, whine, complain, complain.

Of course, the beautiful thing about having writing as a hobby and not as a profession is that I can write whatever I want, whenever I want. I can change genres as many times as I feel like it. There are no rules I have to follow. And if it takes me six years to write one book there's no one to complain about it but me.

It's kind of gotten me thinking about the future of publishing. Will there be more and more people like me, who prefer not to deal with publishing companies and literary agents, deadlines and pressure? Perhaps that's why the e-book trade is flourishing?

I suppose if someone were very serious about selling gobs of books they may want to go that route. But think of the marketing! Is there anything more horrifying than having to do book signings or radio spots or television time?

No. Much better to hide out at home and type away huddled in a comfy chair and a quilt and delve into thoughts of my own invention all by myself. I do like that I can make what I write available to friends and family and the occasional other person I don't know, all strictly online. Do a little formatting and wallah! A book! No fuss, so easy, now everyone can read it (or not). No pressure on me, no pressure on them. Then I can focus on what I like to do - writing.

A New Sick and Bored List!

I know you are all dying for a new edition on what to do when you're sick and bored, so let's get started and see where it takes us.

1. Stare at your house until you truly detest it. As soon as you're well, waste all your energy repainting everything, which makes you sick again, so you have to stare at your house again, but at least you're staring at something new...for now.... This is the activity that never ends. It just keeps going and going.

2. Stare longingly outside your bedroom window. Think of all the things you would plant if you could spend time outdoors. When you're tired of this, change windows. Since there are a million windows in your house, this activity could last all day.

3. Stare at the TV but don't turn it on. You're sick of TV.

4. Read (Ha! You thought I'd say 'stare' again!) so many books people think there's something wrong with you. (Well, actually there is, it's called 'chronic illness'.)

5. Play with your food, because actually eating it will only yield horrifying results. (There's an entire post on playing with food while you're sick somewhere on this blog.)

6. Plan vacations you can never take.

7. Pet every single bunny in the house. (What? Not everything on the list can drip with the cold bitterness of a wasted life.)

8. Think of the people you love and notice all the little things they do for you.

9. Remember you never would have spent so much time with family, been able to pet bunnies, begun writing novels, or read a zillion books a year if you hadn't been sick most of the time.

10. Realize that life is good anyway.

The Worst Torture I Know

I'm delirious with fatigue. I'm never going to make it.  I can't even get through the next hour. My eye lids keep closing, my head keeps dropping. It's no use.

All because some seriously unbalanced people out there like playing with the time. This wreaks havoc on systems like mine that are finely tuned to the hours of the day. I'm the person who wakes up every morning two seconds before the alarm goes off. I'm the person who says 'that will take three hours,' and guess what? It takes three hours. I'm the person who says to her kids on the phone from the grocery store 'I'll be home in 20 minutes,' and then I get home in twenty minutes. I have a built in awareness of time and you know what screws that up? CHANGING THE TIME!!!!! It's torture! I have to reset my inner clock! Do you know how hard that is? I'll spend from now until fall trying, I'll be exhausted and wrong footed the entire time! I'll be late for appointments, I'll wake up and go to sleep at the wrong times, I'll get hungry when I'm not supposed to. It'll be pandemonium!!!! And just when I've got it down, just when I've got everything readjusted, figured out, and running smoothly,  THEY'LL CHANGE IT AGAIN!!!!!!

Do these people really understand how horrifying daylight savings time really is? I mean, really, what is the point? Why do we torture ourselves with this? Are we sadists or masochists or something? I can't even be funny about it.

In honor of this dismal event I've compiled a list of ten things better than daylight savings, because I like lists. There's a weird kind of comfort in quantifying disaster.

1. Public speaking.

2. Waiting in line at the DMV.

3. Root canals.

4. Kidney stones.

5. Dismemberment.

6. Dining with in laws.

7. Bankruptcy.

8. Eating bugs. 

9. Door to door salespeople.

10. Death.

Guest Blog Post

In light of last weeks post, I thought it would be fun to have a guest post along the same lines by Deborah Chandler. I was amused by what she had to say, so of course, I had to include it.  And yes, I'm the person who talked her into the old lady track suit. I have my own, for which I have to say, I have a deep and abiding love.

So here you have it, a second opinion on middle age! 



Comfort? Yes, Please!

Being a non-traditional student on a very traditional campus, I find myself squirming as I observe the clothing options of my (albeit, much younger) classmates keeping up with the trends. I’m now old enough that what is worn today was in fashion in my young adult years. (I have nearly the same hairstyle as when I got married and it’s in style.) And I realize as I’m looking at these clothes two distinct ideas come to mind: one, I am uncomfortable; and two, I feel sorry for those wearing them. 

Now, I’m not uncomfortable seeing someone dressed like that, I’m uncomfortable because I remember how it feels to be dressed like that. It was uncomfortable. Tight clothes when you're young seems up-and-coming, flattering, maybe even sexy—but decades later after trying a few different fashion options you realize, it’s just uncomfortable. The perpetual queasy tummy, holding your breath to bend over and forget tying shoes. (You’ll notice an increase of slip-ons with tight clothes.)—No thank you.

One day while walking to class, I found myself feeling distinctly sorry for the girl walking in front of me as her clothes were so tight I thought, “Poor dear, can’t afford clothes that fit properly.” Then I started looking around and realized that was probably how she wanted to be dressed. And then I thought, “Poor dear.”

Recently, my older sister talked me into buying an old lady track suit—you know the type velour, zipper hoodie and so comfortable you sigh when you get dressed, then all became clear. Old ladies don’t dress like old ladies because they don’t have fashion sense, they just have enough sense to choose comfortable fashions. They’ve already put in their time with being pulled, tucked, squished and flaunted and decided, it’s all for the birds. They know that wearing something comfortable doesn’t make them less of a woman, it just makes them a happier one!

By Deborah Chandler 

Middle Age - The Best Years of My Life?

They lied to me.

They told me the only thing worth being is young, thin and attractive. They told me if I wasn't any of those things then my life would stink and wasn't worth living.

But what could I do? The years passed. Even though youth feels like it will last forever, it doesn't. I aged (gasp). I had kids (double gasp), I changed sizes (NO!).

So, I've kind of noticed something. My life doesn't stink. Not a bit, as a matter of a fact, it's better. You heard me. Better.

Maybe we're cute when we're younger because we're obnoxious and our cuteness keeps us from getting strangled.

Maybe youth is worshiped out of self preservation.

Whatever the reason, the media is lying to us when it portrays youth as the happy time. I don't know about you all, but for me, youth was the stupid time. I was so angsty and shallow I'm glad to be out of it. I seriously thought I knew it all. I was the expert on everything. I now know I never knew anything and I'm okay with that. Instead of being full of what I know, I am full of what I want to find out. It's liberating and exciting. Yep, I'm embracing my stupidity.

You know what else is liberating? Being old enough to laugh at the media for idolizing youth. To roll my eyes and smile because I know the media has nothing to do with real life. Society says this, Society says that, but Reality and Society don't know each other.

I am not obligated to be anything the media says I should be. It takes middle age for most of us to finally realize the full impact of this.


And let's not forget I've reached the age where what other people think of me is their problem, not mine. If I look old, frumpy and talk like an idiot what's that to me? I've gotten comfortable in my skin. It doesn't matter. I am who I am and I'm okay with who I am. (Toot, toot! I need a pipe to whistle into.)

I proclaim my liberty! I declare my independence from looking a certain way, dressing a certain way and acting a certain way, according to the dictates of whatever is considered the way to do things right now! I will do my own thing, dress my own way, and look like me!

I know, you're shocked. How dare anyone look like them? What kind of audacity does that take? I do not apologize for my behavior. And if middle age is this liberating what will old age be like? I'll be finding out in another 20 years. For today, I'm going to go wear my old lady track suit, eat chocolates, and read a novel. Tell me, could I have done that when I was young? No. Only does middle age afford such luxuries and they feel like luxuries because I still have so much work to do, it's just that I can have a break here and there. I love that. I'm not bored, but I can have breaks, isn't that the greatest? I could go on, but I don't feel like it, so I won't. See? That's what I'm talking about.

Middle age is the best.